A Heart to Call My Own
by Elimere
Summary: Jade and her father have an agreement: if she honours the long-standing promise to marry Beck after she graduates, she's allowed complete freedom for her last two years. Drugs, alcohol, parties, sex... anything she wants. When the unexpected happens, Jade must decide between following her father's future or following her heart. AU Jori. May contain traces of Bade & Cabbie
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. If it did it wouldn't have been cancelled.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol and violent references. This will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

Edit: Minor grammar changes.

* * *

**Prologue**

I enjoyed watching their expressions when they came. This, I had come to realise, was the reason why I did, what I did.

They wouldn't touch me, they couldn't. Not in the way I touched them, and certainly not emotionally. I would never allow that.

They could kiss me. They could caress my lips with theirs, they could hold my tongue in their mouth, massage and bite, make me bleed. I would let them do whatever they wanted. They could cling to me… right until I slid my hand into their most private area. After that, I'd push them away.

That was my rule:_ I _was in control. When I broke contact, they couldn't re-establish it. I kissed them and I seduced them and I brought them to the brink of ecstasy. I revelled in the control I had when I eventually pushed them over. Then I tossed them out on their asses. They were _my_ rules. It was _my_ game, _my_ life. But it was _their_ orgasm.

I always initiated it. Even when they came into my room, asking, _begging_ for me to please them, I kissed them first. I would touch them, soothe them, whisper to them… I wanted them to scream. I needed them to tell me how much they wanted me. And they gave in, they always did. It was as if they had no will of their own. No resistance, no soul. Nothing. I could tell them to do _anything_ if I wanted to, and they would. They were like whimpering puppies. Always crying for attention. Always asking for approval. But this wasn't really what I wanted. It wasn't what I needed. I didn't need puppies following me around like I was their god. I needed a wolf. I needed teeth. I needed to be _bitten_. I needed to be _challenged_!

* * *

**Jade POV**

Her sickly sweet voice moaned my name. I had become acquainted with the child-like tone she used: she was a loud one. I preferred the quieter girls. The ones that let me enter my own world while I took them away from theirs.

I stopped what I was doing. This action, or lack thereof, caused a pained moan to escape her lips.

"Don't talk." I warned, scowl on my face. She should know the rules by now. We'd been having sex for at least six months. If you could call it that, since she was the only one that got off. That was an easy rule to follow. Apparently the one she had just broken was not.

I did _not_ want to hear them say my name. _That_ was the rule. I didn't want to be reminded of who I was, where I was or what I was doing. For me, I was simply playing a part. I was an actor. If they spoke my name, the illusion was broken.

She looked at me sheepishly and muttered an apology. I simply nodded and continued. It was easy. I knew what I was doing: I had done it a thousand times before. That's probably an exaggeration, but I had definitely been with at least half the girls in the school at one time or another. Given that I had only been there for three years, that was quite the accomplishment.

There was no excitement in my actions: it was all technical, as far as I was concerned. Fingers here, tongue there, a hot breath whispering on their neck and they were putty in my hands. But I had started to feel as if I was simply doing a dance I no longer had the heart for. I knew all the steps, the twists, the turns and I could perform it flawlessly. But I had lost the emotion. To the casual observer, I was an _artist_. My moves were _beautiful_. But if you looked close enough, you would see someone who merely played the part. Someone who found no happiness, other than in causing someone _else_ a single moment of pure bliss. Someone broken. Of course, no one cared enough to look.

Still, I performed perfectly: a smirk on my lips, fingers caressing the delicate skin. But I had lost interest. I had lost focus. To put it simply: I was bored.

Her eyes were closed, she gripped the bed sheets beneath us and a moan pushed past her lips. I shifted slightly, trying to ignore the tingling feeling in my left arm as my fingers went to sleep. I had my head propped up in the same hand, lying on my side next to the girl. I was watching the reaction on her face as my thumb circled her clitoris again. She was close. If I curled my fingertips in the right way…

Then the unexpected happened: the door to my room burst open.

I cocked my pierced eyebrow at the sight standing in the doorway: it was a girl. Not someone I recognized, so I couldn't have anticipated her waltzing into my bedroom at this time of day. She stood with a shocked expression, probably not expecting to be faced with the sight of the two girls in boarding school uniforms, having sex on the king-sized bed opposite her. I didn't stop what I was doing as I glanced at the brunette. She was attractive. _Very_ attractive in fact, I noticed, as my glance raked over the Latina body. My thoughts turned impure when my lust-filled eyes reached the short blue skirt. Despite my current activity, I couldn't help imagining running my fingers over her long legs before they disappeared underneath the offending material, nails raking her soft skin when I dragged her panties away from her-

A loud moan interrupted me. I smirked at the mortified look in the frozen girls face. She hadn't moved. I could only assume she was too stunned to do so. This was _too_ much fun for me.

Regretfully, I decided to end the awkward situation and thrust my hand between my companion's thighs one last time before I felt her muscles contract around my fingers.

"Hannah. Leave." I never took my gaze off the girl in the doorway as I instructed the one next to me. Whether she had noticed that we were no longer alone I didn't know, nor did I care. I was too preoccupied with the dark beauty to be aware of anything else. I did see her scamper past the new girl and out of the room. One thought ran through my mind: I would make her _mine_!

She continued to watch me as I slipped from the bed and grabbed a tissue to clean my hands.

"So," I began, my voice a sultry purr. "Who are _you_?" I hadn't failed to notice the suitcase standing behind her. She had to be new, which meant I could mould her into whatever I wanted. I took note of the way she shivered when I spoke.

The next words out of her mouth stopped me in my tracks, caused every other thought to vanish from my mind and turned my blood cold.

"Your new roommate?"

* * *

**Tori POV**

Not something I predicted seeing as I walked into my new room. And I was pretty anxious as it was. The look the old lady had given me when she assigned me a room, had left me a little on edge. Maybe the scene I walked in on had something to do with that twisted smirk.

When I opened the door I was shocked to find my new roommate and another girl in a compromising position. The girl on the left was _pleasuring _the other one! Now, I wasn't _that _naïve. I knew about sex. I'd seen some of the things on the internet when my friends and I had been daring enough to sneak into the computer room while our parents slept. But a computer screen is _nothing_ compared to walking in on someone with their hand underneath their girlfriends skirt.

_I should so not be seeing this._ My thought process was apparently working fine, but my feet didn't seem to be moving.

_I could just apologize or leave and come back later or, chizz, even close the door and pretend I didn't see anything!_ _Oh, but it's too late, I've been spotted._

For some reason I couldn't take my eyes off the raven haired girl. Maybe it was the way she watched me stand there like a deer caught in headlights. She looked almost… amused? How was it possible that while she was in the middle of…

_Oh, my god!_ All other thoughts disintegrated. _Did she just check me out? _Apart from being completely _freaked_ out, I was strangely flattered.

I felt my cheeks blush when I heard a moan echo around the room. It really didn't help anything that my red face seemed to amuse her more.

Why was I still standing there like an idiot? It wasn't too late to simply back away and die of shame in a _different_ corridor. I begged my feet to move but they stood rooted to the spot. I was mildly aware of another loud moan followed by a voice, but trying to force my body to back away from the situation seemed to me, far more important.

Then, all of a sudden there was movement. The girl that had been lying on her back got up from the bed and _finally_ my eyes turned away from those emerald jewels that were burning into me. The smaller girl looked nervous and gave me a weak smile before she rushed past.

_I guess that's one question answered: _she_ must be my roommate. _I looked back to the girl to see her still watching and now walking towards me.

"So, who are _you_?" Her voice was like liquid velvet to my ears and I shuddered, cursing my body for the way it responded.

I gave her a small smile, thankful that my brain had finally been kicked into gear.

"Your new roommate?" I heard my voice come out in a strangled whisper. She stopped dead in her tracks and the smirk fell from her face.

"What?!" I flinched at the harsh word she snapped out.

"I said-"

"I _heard _what you said! You must be mistaken." She shook her head. "I _don't_ have roommates." She pointed her chin defiantly.

"You do now." I told her with a small laugh. She narrowed her eyes, apparently not liking my attempt at humour.

"I. Don't. _Have_. Roommates. I live _alone_." This puzzled me. If she wasn't supposed to share with anyone else, maybe they had gotten it wrong?

"The lady told me-" I indicated behind me, outside the room but was interrupted when she pushed me aside and my back hit the doorframe painfully. She was standing so close, I could smell the musky scent that still clung to her and it took all my self-control to not become intoxicated by it.

I half expected to be hit, but instead of addressing me, she poked her head out the door and yelled. I was sure my eardrums would burst.

"_Natasha_!" She turned back to me with a glare on her face and arms crossed over her chest. I returned it with a stare of my own. Her raised eyebrows told me she hadn't expected me to stand up to her. Actually I was quite surprised by that myself. I narrowed my own eyes in defiance and mirrored her posture.

The sound of running interrupted our stand-off. I turned to see a girl who looked to be about the same age as me, approach us. I recognised her: she had been in the office with the old lady. This was obviously Natasha.

"_She_," My roommate- I still hadn't caught her name, nodded to me. "Says I'm to _share _my room now." She spat out the word as if it were poison on her tongue. Natasha looked rightfully terrified.

"I-I… I'm so sorry, Jade. There was nothing I could do!" The girl looked on the verge of tears. I shifted my attention and gave her an apologetic smile that she seemed to ignore. "Matron- she… she…" The girl covered her face as she sobbed.

"Enough!" I looked shocked as Jade put her hand up, her face displaying obvious fury. "Leave. Now." She dismissed the girl and I tried not to look appalled as her crying sounded back down the hallway.

I followed Jade into the room after closing the door.

"You know that wasn't very nice." I stated, dragging my suitcase behind me.

"Like I care?" She scoffed.

I was about to give her a very witty reply that I had yet to come up with, when she suddenly spun round to face me. Her expression no longer displayed the anger from a moment ago. In its place was a flirtatious smirk. I found myself struggling to keep up with her.

"Maybe…" She drawled, circling behind me. "This won't be…" I felt her hand run slowly up my arm. "Such… a bad thing…" I felt her whisper before her lips placed feathery kisses on the back of my neck. I spun round in shock and pushed her away.

"What are you doing?" I couldn't seem to prevent my voice from becoming husky. What was wrong with me? No one had _ever_ had this kind effect before?!

"What?" Her smirk widened and she chuckled at me. "It's not like you don't want it."

"That- That's not the point!" I stuttered and grasped for a reason to throw back at her.

"Aw… Come on…" She tried again, this time her hand went straight for my crotch. _That _got my attention. I smacked at her hand, ignoring the heat she had produced between my legs and focused on the anger burning in my stomach.

"You have a _girlfriend_!" I yelled at her and pointed to the door.

"What?" She scoffed again and pointed her head to the door. "Her? Please. She's just one of my… _friends_." The implications of this statement hadn't been lost on me and my brain began to rally a defence.

"I don't even _know _you! And besides," Her blasé attitude infuriated me and I didn't understand why she caused me to react like this. I was usually so calm and level-headed. I _never_ got angry. Well, unless you were my sister Trina. She was really the only one who knew how to push my buttons.

Then I did the only thing that came naturally to me: jammed my foot into my mouth. "I'm not a slut!" Jade scoffed at this.

"Oh and I am?"

"If what I walked in on is any indication then yeah I kinda think you are." My hand shot up, as if covering my lips would take back the words.

I almost missed the flash of hurt that ran through her eyes before her expression turned dark. I gulped, fear dousing out the anger.

"I-I…" I didn't seem to be able to form the words to express my apology. _Stupid, stupid, stupid!_

Her hand darted out and I recoiled, but quickly realised she hadn't hit me. I turned slowly to see what she was pointing out.

"Yours." She said simply, the word dripped with disdain. This was _not _going well.

In the corner of the room was a small alcove. It looked like it should have held a large cupboard, but instead a white daybed sat flush against the wall. It was covered in throw pillows. I assumed she meant that this would be my bed for the foreseeable future.

I turned back to her.

"Why do you get the big bed while I'm on the single?" I hadn't meant to sound so much like a whining child. I gulped again as she sneered at me and closed the distance between us, suddenly wondering if she was prone to violence.

"This is _my _room." She spun and went to leave.

"Wait!" I called, not wanting to end on a bad note, but not quite sure where I was going with this. To my surprise, she stopped.

"I- uh, I didn't catch you name." I lied. She turned back to me and her hand flashed out. Again I flinched.

"Jade West." She growled.

"T-Tori Vega." I mumbled, shaking her hand. She tightened her grip on mine, presenting me a challenge. What that challenge was, I had no idea, but still, I gripped her hand almost as fiercely. We stood like that for a few seconds, hands tightening and fingers throbbing before she suddenly turned and left, slamming the door shut.

_Great one, Vega_. I thought as I shook my hand, waiting for the feeling to return. _First day and your roommate already hates you ._With a sigh I began to sort out my belongings, wishing I could go back in time and change the encounter. Somehow I knew getting on Jade's bad side was not the best way to start my new school. I would soon find out just how right I was.

* * *

**AN: **I hope you enjoyed this. If so please review. If not review anyway and tell me what I did wrong so I may wallow in self-pity until I find the will to post the next chapter. Seriously though, constructive criticism is welcomed.

I've edited this to the best of my ability but there will be things not everyone agrees on. Such as my use of punctuation. My style of writing is much more like it should be read out loud. And if you don't like it: tough.


	2. Falling From The Sun

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them. This one belongs to Blue King Brown.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references. This will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

Edit: Minor grammar changes.

* * *

**Falling From the Sun**

**Jade POV**

I hated her. Everything about her made my skin crawl and simply being in her presence sent me into a flying rage! It would be a wish come true to see her stripped bare and humiliated in front of the whole school. Of course, seeing her nude would probably cause me to projectile vomit, but that would be a small price to pay.

I halted my storm through the halls long enough to barge into my father's office.

"No, please, do come in." He stated sarcastically from behind his desk without looking up. "I wasn't busy at all." I rolled my eyes at his antics. I was too mad to even smirk at the irony that we had the same sense of humour.

"We need to talk!" I crossed my arms over my chest and tapped my foot impatiently.

"What is it this time, Jade." He muttered, still not looking away from whatever he was doing with the papers on his desk.

This wasn't the first time I'd come raging into his office, yelling about something. Being on the school board as well as owning a decent share in it, meant he saw a lot more activity than he wanted to. Of course, most of the time that consisted of listening to complaints about me. I was pretty proud of that. Instead of sending me to the principle, teachers would threaten to send me to him. Not really much of a threat, if anyone bothered to ask me, not that they did. He'd once told me that one of these days he's going to get a swear jar for whenever anyone came complaining about 'your daughter' to him and use the funds for my wedding. I would have laughed at that, but the mention of that day had turned my stomach.

"That… that… that _woman-_"

"Your arch nemesis." He injected humorously.

"Assigned a _girl_ to share _my_ dorm room!" I threw my hands up in frustration, choosing to overlook his amusement at the situation.

"Ah yes, I heard about that. Would you have preferred a boy?" He continued with his _boring_ paper work, completely ignoring the death glare I gave him while I considered scattering that paper work across the floor. While I was used to this kind of treatment, my patience today had already disappeared.

"Well!" I shouted, refusing to acknowledge his joke of a question. "What are you going to do about it?!" He sighed and rubbed the bridge of his nose before looking at me.

"What is it you expect me to do, Jade? Matron-" He paused for a moment and I wondered if he found her as much of a pain in the ass as I did. "Has been here for a very long time and indeed holds a lot of influence in this school."

"But you're-"

"_Look_," He interrupted. I was about to blow a fuse. "Part of Matrons' job is to assign dorms. I suppose I could _try_ to have a word with her. Would it really be worth it, though? Is-" He paused and looked at me.

"Vega." I supplied in a mumble.

"Is Miss Vega really worth losing your privileges? You know she wouldn't do this for free?" That was an understatement. Considering I had just come from a screaming match with the woman before being thrown out, she probably wouldn't settle for anything less than my becoming her eternal slave.

I despised the Matron, but I didn't know Vega well enough to hate her. Sure I was angry that she had called me a slut, but I had done much nastier things while at this school. And really, it wasn't exactly _that_ far from the truth, not that I would ever admit it. Truthfully, the fact that she had said no and stood her ground against me had left more of an impression. But I was used to getting my own way and having to share a room with _anyone_ was not something I wanted to do.

He seemed to take my silence as an answer.

"I didn't think so. Now, while we're on the subject, next year you'll be a senior." _Here we go._ I rolled my eyes. This was the last thing I wanted to deal with today. I'd already had someone judge me on my sexual activities; I didn't need _him_ judging my curricular ones.

"It's about time you start focusing on your school work." I let out an overdramatic groan in annoyance. "Now, Jade, I realize you have held up your end of the bargain. Your grades so far have been decent-"

"Decent? I have the highest marks in _all_ my classes _and_ the school!"

"_But_, you have yet to focus your attention on one area. I won't have you changing subjects every time you become bored. And if you insist on working," _I do._ "Then now is the time to make that decision. You have less than a year before you graduate and marry Beck. I know _he's_ focused on his future." _Yeah, because he hasn't been given a choice._ "I expect you to have that same drive."

"Are you done?"

"Yes-"

"Good." I let out a sigh. "I understand what you are saying and I will think about your suggestion." I drawled the rehearsed response expected whenever he gave me one of his stupid lectures. "I still don't want to share a room." I added stubbornly, biting my lip and hoping for a way out to appear.

"As long as she's at this school I'm afraid you'll have to put up with…" He let the sentence trail off after he saw the smirk creep onto my lips. "No. Whatever it is you're thinking: no."

"What? I wasn't thinking anything." I fibbed. If she wasn't at this school any more I wouldn't have to put up with her. Granted, it would be a loss that I couldn't sleep with her. I still held that burning desire to see her out of her uniform, but that was something I could live with if it meant getting my room back. Just thinking about the things I could do to get her expelled made my mouth waters.

"I know what you're thinking, Jade and hear me: if you do anything to harm that girl, in any shape or form, I will revoke every single benefit granted to you in a heartbeat. No private room, no entertainment, no covering for your behaviour problems." I frowned, feigning defeat.

"Aw. You spoil all my fun." I muttered before turning to leave. It wasn't until I was walking out that I let the smile back onto my face.

"And no having her expelled!"

"Whazzbag!" I called back before slamming the door. I would just have to be more sneaky than usual.

It was strange how my father and I got on. Before I started at the boarding school I hardly ever saw him. He was gone before I woke, out 'til late, practically living in his office. And when he _was_ home it was like he wasn't really there. We didn't eat together, we didn't spend any time together and we definitely never spoke. But ever since I started attending this school, I saw him every day. We actually seemed to get on, which amazed me more and more every time we interacted.

Even so, I resented him for controlling my life. But instead of charging head first at him, like I always planned to, I would end up teasing him or having fun. It was something I found highly irritating. He had this way of smothering my anger and making me actually _want_ to gain his approval, but I would realize this almost immediately and it would just add fuel to the fire.

With a sigh, I headed to class. Sometimes, even I frustrated _myself._

* * *

**Tori POV**

I looked down again at the paper in my hands.

_If the office is part of this large building here, then I just need to exit through here… _I glanced up and continued to walk through the quiet halls. _It should be just around this corner…crap._ I came to a halt as I found another office instead of the exit.

_Oh, wait a minute!_ I located the name on the door in front of me and managed to find out I was in the entirely opposite side of the building! I scolded myself as I ran the right way, clinging to the paper.

_Brilliantly done, Tori! Not only did you manage to get lost, but because of your stupid directional skills, you're going to be late for your first class!_ I had never been very good with maps. This was a problem in a school as large as this one. My last school had been small. Well, small compared to this. I guess it was actually average.

My first day wasn't really turning out too well: so far I had insulted my roommate, gotten lost on the way _back _to the front office, having forgotten my schedule on the first visit and managed to get lost _again_ trying to find a way out.

Something dark blocked my vision and before I could stop I ran right into it, toppling over. The papers I had been carrying tumbled from my hands.

_And now I've injured some innocent bystander. _I looked at the person sitting next to me and grimaced.

"Jade," I groaned. "I'm so _so_ sorry. I wasn't looking where I was going."

"Obviously." She stood up and dusted herself off. "Why were you running through the halls? You know that could get you in trouble." A smirk appeared on her face.

_I hadn't thought of that!_

"I'm late for my first class." She looked at my schedule while I tried to collect the rest of the things from around me.

I really wasn't making the best impression on her. This was not going to make living together easy.

"About… about earlier…" I was afraid of what she might do if I brought it up, but I really wanted to apologize for my stupidity.

"What?" She questioned me with an annoyed expression.

"I want to apologize for what I said. I hadn't meant to say- I mean," I shook my head. "I didn't mean to imply- I" I stuttered embarrassingly. "I'm sorry!" I finally spat out. She watched me with a raised eyebrow and I heard a faint chuckle after managing the terrible speech.

"Come on, you moron." She turned on her heel and began walking in the direction I had been heading. After scrambling to my feet I took off after her, glad for the guide.

"You're lucky I'm feeling generous today." I heard her say but didn't manage a reply as I stopped the second we'd left the large building.

_Whoa._ I stood gaping at the sight in front of me. What seemed to be the size of several large football fields was covered in trees and other various shrubberies, partially shielding the blandish structures from view. I knew that this area connected to every building in the school.

The lake situated in the middle of the expanse was what had drawn my attention. Even from this distance, I could see that the clear water held fish and more wildlife than I'd anticipated surrounded it.

"Are you coming?" A shrill voice called me to attention and I realized Jade had stopped in front of a building toward the end of a path. I ran to catch up and followed her, apologizing again. She merely shook her head at me.

I was a surprised when, after walking through a short hallway, she simply waltzed into the classroom, not bothering to knock or announce herself.

Jade sat in the nearest empty seat and watched me warily. I looked around, slightly stunned to find only one other empty desk available. I was thankful for the single seat layout of the room, not yet used to being the new girl.

The teacher was unusual looking, to say the least. Where the students were all dressed in the very plain blue and white uniform, the _male_ at the head of the class was not dressed in a suit, as I'd expected, but what seemed to be a miss-match of his own choosing. I gawped openly at the bright red sneakers, purple tights, cargo shorts and Hawaiian t-shirt he was wearing.

"Take a seat, Miss." He spoke gruffly, running his fingers over the thick white beard. I couldn't help feel the desire to reach out and touch his matching snowy moustache. I resisted the urge and did as told. Despite the strange outfit and white spikey hair that made him look more like a clown than instructor, his voice held a tone of authority.

I looked to Jade: she was inspecting her nails and seemed more bored than anyone else in the room.

_I wonder what class this is…_ It occurred to me that I hadn't bothered to find out exactly what my first class was and held the hope that I wouldn't be too far behind.

I heard him begin to take the attendance and prayed I wouldn't be called to introduce myself. Public speaking was not on my list of talents. I liked singing, of course, but doing anything in front of people always gave me the jitters. If Trina hadn't entered the application to the school for me, I doubt I would ever have had the nerve to even apply.

"Valentine, Cat!" I watched as a redheaded sitting near Jade stood and said she was here, quite loudly, before retaking her seat.

"Vega, Victoria!" Taking my lead from Cat, I rose and confirmed my presence quietly.

Having come from such a small school, I was not prepared for the differences in the classes. Okay, while I had gone to a normal high school instead of performing arts specialty institute, I had expected some sense of familiarity to occur; but so far I felt like I had simply been dropped in the deep end of a very strange swimming pool.

"West, Jade!" The girl got up and, much to my relief repeated the movement. I zoned out far too often. I didn't need to add 'embarrassed self' to my list of things gone wrong on my first day.

"Right!" A loud clap brought me out of my musings and I panicked for an instant, thinking I was in trouble. "Get up!" Before I could protest, the abrupt noise of chairs scrapping filled the room and I looked around to find the rest of the class standing. "Desks out!" Our teacher instructed and I wished he had been more specific, wondering what was going on.

I watched with interest as the students began to move instantly, pushing their desks to the edges of the room. I was impressed at the way they did this without causing a riot. I realized that it was most likely a frequent activity.

Following Jade's lead, I sat on a desk next to her and flashed a smile. I heard her groan and caught the end of an eye roll.

With the class seated on the desks under the large window, our teacher stood in front again and spoke.

"Right! For the benefit of Miss Vega, we will begin with the song from last week. Beat!" He called out. I almost fell off the desk when it felt like the whole classroom shook as hands hit the desks and feet stamped the floor. It was repeated a few times, _tap tap stomp, tap tap stomp. _The beat was easy and I felt myself fall into the pleasant sensation whenever I was involved in any sort of music.

The teacher nodded his head in time with our rhythm a few times before pointing to one of the girls.

"_Here I come now, with a story, of the human races' diminishing glory_." I didn't recognise the song, but it had a pleasant urban sound. I tried to follow the lyrics as the she sang.

"_Do you think it's okay to keep falling, __**falling from the sun**__?"_ I jumped as the rest of the class joined in at the last line. I watched the teacher move around and had to focus on keeping the in time while he picked another student.

"_Cause, while they're making, their decisions, when we people speak up they don't listen, so don't you dare go and die for this system, __**I'm telling you it's wrong**__."_ I was beginning to get into the song, though it was unfamiliar, until he stood in front of me. I freaked out for a second, knowing improvisation was a part of the school curriculum. There was no way I could do that! Instead he pointed next to me and I stopped keeping time when Jade sang. I was floored.

"_So come and be open__** come and get wise**__. You think they'll protect you __**but don't realise**__. The war that they make __**only takes away life**__…_" I gave up on following the lyrics at that point. The song wasn't very well suited for her incredible voice and suddenly I wanted nothing more than to listen to her perform an opera or anything that would expand the notes more than the short bursts in this piece.

She looked at me questioningly as I openly gawked at her, just listening to the sound. Once she'd finished I whispered in her ear how much I profoundly admired her stunning voice and leaned back in time to see the blush leave her face. She shrugged her shoulders and joined in with the music again.

My thoughts turned to our meeting. I couldn't deny the effect she'd had on me. Whether I liked it or not, I was attracted to _had_ come onto me, even though I'd turned her down and probably any future chances. I was never really the type to sleep around, though. And who knew if she'd even be interested in more than a one night stand? I finally gave in and let the poisonous thoughts flood my mind.

_She must hate me for calling her a slut. I should just be happy she's letting me share her room. She would never want someone like me; not even my own parents can stand to be in the same city._

I took a deep breath and sighed, wondering if I stood any chance of being friends with her.

* * *

**AN: **Wow, didn't expect so many reviews and follows and favourites! I love all the comments! Thanks to everyone who's giving this a chance, I hope I don't disappoint. Sorry this took so long to update, I wasn't happy with the first draft. I'm not entirely happy with this one either, but if I edit it any more I'll probably end up hating the thing. So I hope you like it!

The song is 'Come and Check Your Head' by Blue King Brown.

Reviews are my form of currency, so please donate!


	3. Playing The Game

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references. This will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

* * *

**Playing The Game**

**Jade POV**

"Improvisation! Choose a character and you, along with your partner, will perform a scene in front of the class!" Sikowitz told us as he wandered around the room holding out a box. Despite my apparent lack of interest, improv was my favourite class; something my father would never know. Not because I especially liked acting above anything else, mostly because the teacher was unusual. He wasn't at all bothered by my attitude or sense of humour and would let me get away with more than most. It was only when I caused anyone physical pain that he sent me from the room and that was a rare occurrence these days. The old kook had actually grown on me; it had taken a while but I'd come to see the odd man as a father figure. So now, I hardly ever disrupted his classes. It was nice to have an adult that cared.

"Ah, you must be our newest transfer!" He exclaimed, standing in front of Tori. I rolled my eyes. Why was everyone so interested in her? We didn't even know if she had any talent.

She took a slip of paper from the box and shot him an awkward smile. I shook my head at her nervousness.

_Come on, she can't really be that shy._ I wasn't buying the front she displayed, despite not being able to find any sign of an act.

"Once you have a character, we'll see where your match is! And no swapping!" He sat on the edge of the stage. The classroom was actually a small theatre, used only for practice and lessons. We didn't need desks and sat on raised benches that allowed for a small audience.

I looked at the slip of paper in my hand.

_You think everyone is trying to steal your bag of nuts. _I rolled my eyes. _Gee, thanks Sikowitz._

"So, who has the nuts?" He asked us. I raised my hand slightly and saw another girl do the same. I didn't know her name, nor did I care to. "Partner up." He told us. I didn't move and ignored her as she sat in the spot next to me.

"Confront the cheater?" I sometimes wondered where he came up with these characters. They tended to either be really boring, with one strange attribute (such as having a tendency to bite people- boy was _that_ a great lesson) or completely insane.

I watched as both my new roommate and so called 'fiancé' raised their hands.

_Oh, this should be fun._ I thought with sarcasm as Tori moved to sit next to Beck. When we arrived to class, she'd asked if we were in the right place; which I thought was a stupid question and told her so. It was probably a little presumptuous of me to think she'd already be aware that we shared several lessons with the boys' school, but criticizing her gave me a spark of joy and I couldn't resist the urge to snap at her.

I zoned out while Sikowitz identified the rest of the pairs and almost nodded off while waiting. Sometimes I would fall asleep in class and this was really the only one where it was tolerated. Most of the time it caused me to gain more than a few days' worth of detention. I could hardly help it; I hadn't been sleeping well lately. With finals coming up it became harder and harder to find people willing to come to my room late at night. While most of the time the girls wouldn't _dream_ of turning me down, exams tended to put everyone on edge; myself included. But I needed that small escape to sleep after studying all night. Most had left a message on their voicemail, stating that they were studying. It prevented them from actually turning me down and me from asking them to come over. Win win, as far as I was concerned; except for the fact that I became unable to find a bed companion. This morning's venture had done little to help.

"Beck, Tori, you're up first! Feel free to find a prop." Sikowitz drew me out of my dozing and I sat up to watch the performance. I was interested to see if she would be any good at acting. If she sucked, getting her kicked out would be a breeze. She looked nervous as she riffled through the box on stage. My curiosity piqued when she tucked an item into her belt and I couldn't see what it was. The two of them spent a few seconds discussing something before turning to face each other.

"How could you do this to me?!" She yelled at Beck, startling both me and the rest of the room. Beck looked at her with sadness and guilt. He's a good actor; I knew this from experience and was a little saddened by the fact that he would never be able to pursue the career.

I watched Tori's face and was quite surprised to find tears running down her cheeks. Her eyes held anger but I also picked up a slightly hidden trace sadness. I couldn't tell if it was part of the act or genuine, which worried me since I'd become extremely familiar with reading actor's emotions. I knew instantly when they were lying and I regarded reading people as one of my finest talents.

"Babe, I'm so sorry. I never meant for it to happen. I swear, it was just once and it'll never happen again." Beck pleaded her and I watched him intently. He was lying. His face looked sad and he said all the right words, but his eyes were cold and blank.

Tori shook her head and brought her hands to her quivering lips.

"No…" She whispered. "How can you just stand there and lie to my _face_?!" She yelled back.

"I'm not lying. Please, I love you!" His eyes glistened with unshed tears. Tori let out a sob that sounded half like a laugh.

"If you loved me… you never would have cheated." She cried openly, the anger replaced with sorrow.

"I _do_ love you. It- it was just a stupid mistake." He tried to take her hands but she forcefully pulled away from him and looked into his eyes with pure hatred. Her nose curled in disgust. I could still see the lingering grief, but fury dominated all else.

"How dare you." She growled at him. He backed up slightly, a little shocked at her tone; I heard a few people near me gasp. "How _dare_ you!" She shrieked and her voice echoed around the room. "I _know_ this wasn't a onetime thing!" Beck dropped the act and crossed his arms over his chest. He smirked at her with unconcealed arrogance.

"You know what? Fine. You're right. It wasn't a fling. It's been going on for a while now." He laughed at her; any trace of guilt was gone. He was egotistical and overconfident; nothing at all like the actor himself. "I don't regret a _second_. And you really wanna know why? I was simply bored with you." He pointed his chin proudly at her.

Tori looked stricken. I could almost see her heart breaking. She closed her eyes, wiped away the tears and took a deep breath. When she opened them, the pain had all but disappeared. Her jaw was stiff, her face hardened. She had a look of determination and I began to wonder what her assignment had said.

"A year and a half I gave you." She said quietly. "A year and a half! And what do I have to show for it? Nothing but pain and suffering!" What happened next caused a murmur to ripple through the class. I had to stifle a laugh when I saw her pull the water pistol from her waist. She held it tightly and pointed it at the now terrified boy.

"What are you doing?" His voice was an octave higher than normal. "Give- give me the gun." She shook her head and her hands trembled. Beck begged her with false softness in his voice.

I took a moment to break down their performance. Tori looked scared, hurt and wild. Her eyes held unshed tears and darted between her lovers own eyes. There was obvious pain in her face.

Beck looked alarmed and panicked, but pretended to be composed. He displayed noticeable fear while trying to show an outward calm manner in order to remove the weapon. They both played their parts perfectly. I had to admit it: she was doing an amazing job at showing her emotions and portraying the shattered girl. There was no way I would be able to have her expelled for lack of talent alone. It was going to take more effort on my part and of course time; which meant I would have to put up with living with her, at least for a little while.

"Stop…" Tori whispered as Beck took a step towards her and repeated his request with a little more confidence. She shook her head as panic seemed to overtake her. Her whole body was trembling, but her hands still held the gun, her fingers sitting on the trigger.

"Don't- don't come any closer!" False bravado rang through her voice as she 'cocked the gun'; well, pretended to since it was a fake. "I mean it!" Beck didn't seem to take the message. He took another step forward and as he did so, a loud bang shot through the room, causing the class to cry out in surprise. I looked around confused. I had seen the gun spray water, but was curious as to where the noise had come from. Sikowitz was watching the performance with concentration. Giving up, I turned back to the actors.

When the 'gun' had gone off, Tori reacted as if the prop was real. Her fingers squeezed the trigger, her hands jerked backwards, causing her to stumble slightly and her face showed one of complete shock. I wondered if she had ever used a real gun.

She shook uncontrollably and dropped object. Beck's hands went to his stomach and he collapsed to the ground. Tori took a tentative step toward the fallen boy, mouth agape, hands forward as if she still held the firearm before a horrified cry exited her mouth and she sank to her knees, sobbing. I had to hand it to her, she was good.

"End scene!" A voice to my left startled me and I heard a few people in the stands scream. I rolled my eyes and looked at them. A few of the girls were in tears. Heck, even a few of the boys were openly crying.

_Oh please. It was just an exercise. It wasn't even that good._ Sikowitz stood and walked to the stage. Beck rose as Tori cleared her face.

"Great Ghandi, that was amazing!" The teacher gushed at the two of them as I frowned.

"Beck, as always a brilliant performance!" Sikowitz shook his hand before turning to Tori. "And Miss Vega. I don't think I've _ever_ seen such a superb display of emotions!" I sneered at the girl from where I sat.

_No…_ I really did _not_ like this.

"I whole heartedly believed you were a crazed girl ready to shoot her boyfriend! Wonderful!" He shook his head, not knowing what else to say. Tori looked at him with an embarrassed smile; I still refused to believe her display.

_No! __**I'm**__ the favourite! __**I'm**__ the best actor! _I was becoming even more determined to have her kicked out. No one had ever been better than me at anything. She _had_ to be cheating, she just _had_ to be!

A plan began to form in my mind.

_Not only will I have her expelled, I'm going to humiliate her in any way possible. I'll tear her apart and destroy her piece by piece before I finish her. She'll regret the day she crossed Jade West._

* * *

**AN:** Thank you for all the wonderful reviews. I noticed a slight confusion about the agreement. Relax, all will be revealed in time. I'm withholding details on purpose, so patient. And thank you all for being very patient with me, I'm just sorry it's taking so long to write these, especially since not much is actually happening yet. _Sigh,_ that's what I get for rewriting their entire history and not just following the show.

I didn't realize how hard it would be to not give everything away and just dish out spoilers! I can see a few of you picking up details though, so I'm glad I held back a few things and let your own minds work. Hope you're having fun with it.

Ah, I can see some making assumptions about… certain things. Excellent! Should make things even more surprising. If Jade's habits are putting you off try to look past it and keep reading. Try not to judge her to harshly just yet.

I was going to make this longer, but figured I might just end this one there. It was a bit darker than I intended. I guess that's what happens when you write at four in the morning. Hope you like it and review!


	4. The Edge

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references.

This chapter will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

* * *

_**Previously on A Heart to Call My Own…**_

"_And Miss Vega. I don't think I've ever seen such a superb display of emotions! I whole heartedly believed you were a crazed girl ready to shoot her boyfriend! Wonderful!" _

'_No! __**I'm**__ the favourite! __**I'm**__ the best actor!' I was becoming even more determined to have her kicked out. No one had ever been better than me at anything. She had to be cheating, she just had to be!_

_A plan began to form in my mind. _

'_Not only will I have her expelled, I'm going to humiliate her in any way possible. I'll tear her apart and destroy her piece by piece before I finish her off. She'll regret the day she crossed Jade West.'_

* * *

**The Edge  
**

**Tori POV**

"Now I know that you have been waiting for me to make a certain announcement," A large balding man stood at the front of the class. Having finished teaching for the day, he had stopped us from leaving just before the bell rang. For some reason his name was annoyingly hard for me to remember and simply added to the list of people I had met since the morning; Schwartz or Erritole. Some weird sound that would force me to actually work at memorizing it for the next time I saw him or be doomed to vocalize scary vowel noises to other students in an attempt to learn it. Being the first lesson I'd had with him, I hoped I could avoid embarrassment for today at least.

"So I can finally tell you that your end of year project will be…" He paused for a moment; an obvious attempt to build tension. "My Fair Lady." A mixed chorus of cheers and boos echoed throughout the classroom, causing me to raise an eyebrow at the ruckus. "Calm down, calm down. I know a lot of you were hoping for The Wizard of Oz," His voice raised an octave to be heard over the noise. "But I'm afraid the Seniors claimed it after last year's performance. Quiet now!"

I looked around the room, hoping to gain a clue as to what was being talked about. My head was stuffed full with all the new information submitted to me so far today that by the last class, I was utterly worn out. I spotted the redheaded girl from my first lesson, clapping her hands and seemingly ready to burst out of her chair. Somehow I knew awkwardly watching them would not fill me in on what he meant, and I would have to risk looking like a fool.

"Uh, sir?" I raised my hand and caught his attention.

"Yes, Miss Vega."

"What is it you mean by 'end of year project'?" I asked quietly. A loud groan sounded near me and I recognized Jade's voice.

"Ah, of course: the new girl." He stood in front of my desk and gave me a warm smile. He seemed nice enough and I felt an instant need to impress, but the stress from the first day had caused my usual polite manner to be a little worn.

"At the end of the year the students are required to perform for their teachers and parents. Each grade has a different production and _all_ students from that year must take part in some way. Hair, make-up, costume… anything really. There's a quite the competition for the chosen musical before the show-case. Anyway, it is your most important project and you will spend the entire year preparing for it." I nodded slowly. It was beginning to sound very daunting. Hopefully I could find some insignificant job that wouldn't require a lot of responsibility for me. I wasn't sure how much pressure I could take if I knew my performance would affect others.

"You know Miss Vega…" The teacher said slowly and I became worried at the wicked smile that grew across his face. "I saw your school audition. I must say, I was quite impressed."

"Uh, thanks?"

"In fact, I think you might be a good candidate for the role of Eliza."

"What?!" A shout from across the room made me jump. All eyes turned to Jade. "_I'm_ supposed to play the lead!" She told him with unconcealed anger.

"Miss West," His spoke to her with exasperation. "We all know you can play Eliza perfectly fine." I saw Jades eye bulge at the blasé way he spoke about her acting. "It's time to give someone else a chance." He turned back to me and I smiled sheepishly at him. I was already on Jade's bad side, taking a role from her would not help my situation at all. I really needed to find an _actual_ friend. "Now Miss Vega, don't take this chance lightly. The lead in the end of year musical is a highly sought after role, but it comes with a huge responsibility. Just auditioning will require you to learn _two_ songs." I gulped. Highly sought after?

"Uh, wow… do I have to?" I asked meekly and shrunk at the groan from my roommate.

"See? She doesn't even _want_ the role!"

"That's enough, Jade." He growled at her before turning back to me. I was getting the feeling that he was not a fan of Jade's, though I wasn't really sure why. Apart from her… bedroom activities (which, frankly, was no ones' business) and slight attitude problem, she seemed like a decent person. She had helped me to every class after all. "Miss Vega, this is a performing arts school. You are here to perform, correct?" I nodded. "Good. Then you had better be grateful for the opportunities given or find yourself with a reputation you do not want." He looked pointedly at Jade. "This is something that can make or break an actor's career." I nodded and smiled weakly before looking back at Jade. She was glaring at the him with sheer malice. Regardless of her annoyance, I knew I was going to have to audition for the part.

* * *

"Heh, that was scary." I told Jade as we left the classroom.

"Don't talk to me." She spat out and pushed past me. I watched her walk away with an unhappy frown.

_That's just great. Now how will I find my way back. There's no way I can do it on my own, I'll probably just end up lost again._ I sighed and resigned myself to the fact that no matter what I did, she would never warm up to me; which was a problem since I needed someone to guide me to classes. What I really needed was a GPS… or a personality switch. For some strange reason, I had thought having a roommate would equal instant companion. I really should have known better after spending my entire life at odds with my own sister.

_Of course, you idiot, Trina!_ I don't know why I didn't think of her sooner: Trina was at the school as well and even though she was as new as me, she was bound to have figured her way around. The only problem was finding her.

A shrill chirping noise broke me from my rambling thoughts and it was a few seconds before I realized it was my phone- something I was not used to owning yet. Scrambling to retrieve it from my pocket, I answered as quickly as I could.

"Jeez, what took you so long?" The annoyed (or should that be annoying) voice of my sister rang through my ear before I had a chance to speak.

_Huh, I wonder if she can read minds. It wouldn't surprise me if Trina had an automatic response to answer whenever her name was spoken… or thought. If not, then maybe my luck was changing._

"Whatever," She cut off any reply I was about to give. "I just wanted to see how my little sister was enjoying her first day." Trina said in a sickly sweet tone. _Too sweet if you ask me._

"What do you want, Trina." I cut to the chase.

"What? Do I really need an excuse to call my darling baby sister?"

"First of all, I'm not your darling anything. Second, you only talk to me when you want something." Trina scoffed at the reply.

"I'm hurt. To think that my own flesh and blood could-"

"Cut the act Trina. I don't buy it for a second."

"Well fine. I really _was_ checking up on you. But if you want to be like that I guess I'll leave you to your own devices…" I took a moment to wonder if she was lying, then remembered I actually did need her help.

"No, wait," I gave in. "I'm sorry. I'm fine, Trina. How was your day?" I smacked my forehead as I realized that I had asked probably the stupidest question in the world.

"Oh, my day was _fabulous_. I've made _tones_ of new friends and even found a few boys to follow me around, which is quite surprising since I was told this was an all-girls…" _Ha!_ I stifled a laugh at the thought of boys chasing Trina instead of the other way round.

Not wanting to listen to my sisters boy crazy schemes, I zoned out her voice as I walked through the campus, admiring the gorgeous surroundings while muttering non-descriptive noises into the phone, pretending to be present. It's not that I didn't care about Trina, but sometimes she was too self-involved. She made it hard to want to talk to her.

_Of course, if I ever had anything interesting to talk about she might actually want to spend time with me, instead of following some brainless idiot who's most interesting feature was probably his hair._

Somehow between her constant babbling about boys, Trina was able to direct me to the large hall containing the cafeteria.**  
**

"So you managed to make your way here then." A voice from behind, startled me from my thoughts. I turned around to find that very same sister looking at me with a bored expression. I put my phone away and smiled at her.

"Hey, Trina, I thought you would be having lunch with your friends?"

"Oh I ate earlier…" She mumbled off suspiciously. I wondered if she really _had_ made any friends and wanted to ask her about it, but bit my tongue. If I brought it up, she would just deny it anyway.

Trina placed her arm around my shoulder and directed me through the doors, giving me no choice but to eat in the crowded room, rather than finding a nice quiet corner, like I'd planned.

"So: where are your friends?" She asked me.

"Uh… you know, not everyone can be as popular as you, Trina…" I mumbled, embarrassed that I hadn't actually made any yet.

"Oh I know, such sorry losers." I rolled my eyes while she drifted off into her own land of delusions, as the time to pick a group among the crowded room loomed closer. I quickly glanced around and was surprised to find the students annoyingly hard to label. They all seemed to be mixed in different groups of social standards than I was used to- at least, as much as I could gather from what they looked like.

"So really, how was your first day?" Trina asked me seriously as we got in line for food. I shrugged my shoulders.

"Fine, I guess."

"_Really_ fine? Or 'not so good' fine?" I looked at my sister suspiciously to find her watching me with a sombre expression, then realized why she was acting so strange.

"Oh, my god, Trina. Mom and Dad asked you to spy on me didn't they?"

"What? Of course not." She waved her hand at my accusation. "I just want to make sure you're not having any… problems." She squinted at me as if doing so would cause me to spill all my secrets for her to report back with.

"Look, you can tell them that I'm perfectly okay, they have nothing to worry about." I tried to keep my voice down as we piled food onto our trays.

"Tori, I swear I'm not their spy. And if I _was, _which I'm not, they're just concerned. They just want to make sure that after last year, you're doing okay. I care about you too, you know." She looked at me sincerely and I knew couldn't stay mad at her. "I could have followed their advice and called you every five minutes, but I knew how much that would suck." She told me, then added as an afterthought. "For both of us." I smiled at her. I knew she cared about me, I was just so tired of being asked 'are you alright.'

"Thanks, Trina. And for the record, I'm good." She nodded.

"Good. Now," We turned to face the tables. "Where are we going to sit?" I looked around the room and tried to find someone I knew, but all I could see was scary unfamiliar faces, daring me to try to join them. Then I spotted the only one I recognized.

"Hey, there's my roommate." I told Trina and realised what a horrible mistake that was a second later when she suggested we sit with Jade and her friends.

"Oh, I don't think that's a good idea, Jade doesn't really like me and I don't want to interrupt or-"

"Nonsense, how can anyone not like you?"

_Oh I think it could be pretty easy._ I thought to myself and tried not to panic as we stopped in front of her table.

**Jade POV**

_That stupid girl followed me around all day, then had the nerve to try to reject my role in the end of year play! Why she's even in this school I have no idea._

"Jadey, she can't be that bad. I'll bet she's just nervous at being the new girl. _I know,_ why don't you invite her to the attic? Then we could all get to know her!" Cat concluded. I looked at her warily. When what Cat said was relevant to the current conversation, it was time to worry; or, prepare for the apocalypse.

Naturally, when I met my friends for lunch I vented my problems. Not that I actually wanted them to fix it, but complaining helped. Plus, they always seemed to become upset when I talked badly about someone. Both things I enjoyed doing.

"I agree with Cat. I don't see why you can't just give her a chance and get to know her. You might find you actually like her." I glared at Beck and wanted to smack him for trying to get me to be nice. He should know by now it would never work. Why bother trying?

"Because," I told them. "I don't _like_ her, I don't _want_ to get to know her and I don't appreciate her taking over my life!" I bellowed. They ignored me. "Plus," I added, beginning to sulk since they seemed to be taking her side. "I _hate_ seeing her ugly face." I folded my arms and huffed, ending the conversation. Unfortunately they all seemed immune to my attitude and simply laughed.

Before anyone could reply to my childish antics, two figures made an appearance by our table. I turned to them. Low and behold, who should I find standing there but my lovely new roommate.

"Speak of the devil." I muttered under my breath.

"Hi Jade." She spoke in her sickly sweet voice and gave me a short wave. I glared at her nastily and refused to acknowledge her presence any more than that.

"Hey, you must be Tori. I'm André," I shot daggers at the boy for having the nerve to be nice to her. "This here's Beck, Cat, Robbie and Rex." And why anyone would treat that puppet like a person was beyond me.

"Hey, this is my sister Trina." She told him gratefully.

"Hi!" Cat said in her loud and peppy voice. "I'm Cat! You know, like the animal."

"Hey that's cool, I like cats." Vega offered.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Cat asked, sounding offended.

"Uh… that I like cats?" Vega replied in a worried tone.

"Oh, me too! Do you want to have lunch with us?" I shot a furious glare at my friend for offering the girl a seat. She seemed to either ignore me or had missed it. Maybe she'd just become oblivious to my attitude.

Vega looked at me with a worried expression but directed her reply to the redhead.

"Uh, I don't know…"

"Oh don't mind her, she's just a bit of a gank." This time, I did hit him. Unfortunately, he continued to ignore me.

"You guys aren't, like, a couple are you?" The sister asked, indicating to both Beck and I.

"No!" Was the emphatic response she earned from both of us.

"Great!" To my complete horror, she sat down on the other side of him and latched onto his arm. I groaned in annoyance, realizing we would not be able to ditch her any time soon. Vega smiled apologetically at me as she sat down between Cat and André, directly across from me. Fortunately it gave me the perfect position to glare angrily at her.

"So, you're rooming with Jade." Robbie confirmed. I shot a warning look at the boy before turning my fury back to Vega. "What's that like?"

"Uh…" She looked at me worriedly again, took a bite of her lunch and shrugged, not saying any more than that.

"Care to share any wicked sexy-" Rex began in his disgusting suggestive manner.

"End that sentence and I will end your life, you perverted boy." I said, more to Robbie than his puppet while not removing my death glare from the girl sitting across from me. Vega refused to meet my gaze and instead turned to Cat.

"I withdraw my question…" Rex muttered and I saw Robbie wisely stash the puppet in his bag, protecting him from any damage I might do for a little while at least.

"Do you have a girlfriend?" The sister asked Beck beside me and I grimaced. One Vega was annoying enough, why did there have to be two?

"I'm not really looking to date at the moment. You know, career focused an all…" I could see him trying to free himself from her death grip and bit down on openly laughing at his misfortune.

"That's a shame." She replied to him unconvincingly and I rolled my eyes. I could see that he would have trouble getting rid of her and decided I'd had enough of dealing with these people.

"This is boring. I'm leaving." I stood up and walked away but couldn't resist one last remark as I left. "Later losers."

* * *

The rest of the week had been the same; according to André, all the teachers had loved her. Her singing was 'amazing' her acting was 'stunning' and she had the moves of a professional Latin dancer. I'd become yesterday's favourite. I'd been replaced. To top it off she seemed to impress my friends as well. I don't how they could like someone who was always so nice, it was sickening. Every time I saw her she seemed to cause something inside me to just burn. I wanted her to find a new table, out of my school and out of my life!  
On the plus side, she had stopped following me around and was instead relying on my friends. I wasn't sure if I was more glad to be rid of her, or angry at her for worming her way into my group.

By the time the week was at an end, I was ready to pass out. There was just one more stop I needed to make before I collapsed into my bed. Hearing all about wonder-girl had taken its toll on me and I needed a release, the one I had missed out on thanks to said Vega.

I walked into the library, knowing full well she would be here; she'd be working, but that had never stopped me before. She was sitting behind the desk, staring at a computer screen. She looked bored and her dark red hair flowed across her face as she rested her cheek on her fist.

"What are you doing?!" I sat down across from her quietly and yelled, startling the girl, laughing hysterically when she jumped.

"Jade! What are you doing here?" She asked me in a whisper and quickly looked around the room. She needn't have bothered; I already knew we were alone.

"I decided you needed a little… _disruption_." I told her once I'd stopped laughing.

"I-I'm working!" She whisper-yelled at me. I smirked; she could never resist me. None of them could.

"So? Take a break. I need to unwind." I told her and stood up. There was no way she would turn me down; it had been months since I'd seen her and I expected the girl was quite frustrated by now.

I began wandering through the aisles of books, running my fingers along their spines as I headed towards the back of the room.

"Jade." A voice behind me made me pause. I loved it when they came to me. I turned and looked at her nervous form with an innocent smile.

"Amy." She fiddled with her hands and refused to look at me.

"I haven't seen you in months. Where have you been?" She asked me timidly. I wasn't going to tell her, but I'd been avoiding her. It had started like all the others; then she wanted more than a quickie in the supply closet. For a while, it hadn't bothered me when she showed up at my room; I welcomed the change and it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't bothered by the fact that girls were always coming and going. But of course, it was never enough. She had begun asking too many questions. _Why do you sleep around? Why can't we be together in public? Why can't I touch you?_ It was too much. She wanted a relationship and I didn't. I had entertained the idea briefly, she was cute; who wouldn't? But eventually I came to the conclusion that I had no real interest in her. She wasn't enough and I stopped answering her calls.

"Here and there." I said and walked around her, trailing my fingers over her shoulder; she shuddered under my touch.

"You broke up with me. You can't just-"

"Wrong. We were never a couple. I was clear about that from the beginning. Now, let's stop all this boring talk and just have a little fun." I whispered into her ear from behind. For a second I was reminded of the way I had spoken to Vega, but shook the thoughts from my head.

"I want more than just sex, Jade." She attempted to push me away, but I knew better.

"No you don't. The sweet, innocent librarians' assistant is just an act, we both know that. You're really only interested in a hot… sweaty… _fuck _from the big… bad… Jade West." I purred to her, slowly drawing out the words and I watched as she flinched at the cuss. If it were any other day I would have laughed and called her a prude, but I needed this, possibly more than she did. "Come on… give in." I bit her earlobe and pulled slightly, causing a shiver to run through her. As I began brushing the side of her neck with my lips, I smiled with the knowledge that I'd gotten my way. My teeth sank into the soft flesh below her ear and a quiet moan escaped her mouth. I let my fingers lightly graze her arms, leading tingling trails of heat to her wrists as my mouth gently touched the sensitive skin on her neck.

In a flash, my hands were on her wrists and I spun her around to face me, slamming her back against the shelves and forcing her feet apart.

"Tell me what you want." I murmured into her ear, biting hard on the lobe again. She didn't reply but let a small squeak escape her lips. I smirked at the control I had over her and held her hands above her head. I kicked my shoes off, letting them fall somewhere behind me and leisurely began trailing my toes up her ankle, letting my knee slightly touch her centre. She gasped and I asked her again.

"What… do… you want…" My tongue flicked at her ear before sliding down her neck, planting tiny kisses along the way. My lips had barely touched her jaw when she forcefully grabbed my mouth with hers. Abruptly, I pulled back, letting her go.

"No." I told her angrily. "You know the rules." This was not about what she wanted. This was about what I wanted; my control over her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, her breath coming out in heated gasps. "It-It won't happen again." She shook her head.

"Good. Should I keep going?" I asked soberly. She nodded quickly. "Well, what do you want me to do?"

"Please. T-touch me." She whispered and a blush formed on her face. I smiled, satisfied with her reply.

I ran my hands through her hair, gripped the back of her head and forced my mouth onto hers. My tongue slipped through her waiting lips and stroked the sensitive palette, savouring the taste of her tongue. Her hands held the shelves behind her; she knew better and once again my knee skimmed up her thigh to linger against her. She gasped softly and her hips bucked at the subtle contact. With a smirk, I pulled myself away and she cried out as if I'd slapped her. Not wanting to waste a second more, my fingertips touched her thighs below the end of her skirt and slowly trailed up her legs. I watched her face and I could feel the familiar pull as I began to slip away from the scene.

Her eyes were closed, her bottom lip clenched between her teeth and brow furrowed. I followed a trail of sweat as it fell from her forehead, leaving a wet path down her cheek. My fingers touched the band of her underwear and in one swift motion I yanked them to her feet. I then resumed taking my time, teasing my way up her legs with my hands, making her endure every torturous second that I wasn't where she wanted. I left wet kisses on her skin and could almost hear it sizzle upon contact.

"Please…" I heard her beg me but her voice barely registered in my mind. My hands slipped beneath her skirt and then I stood to look into her eyes; the most significant reason I considered her more important than the other girls I bedded. Her eyes opened and I stared into the bright blue orbs.

The anger I felt over my father controlling my entire life, flashed in my mind before drifting away with every second that I gazed at the striking colour; I felt like I was falling backwards into a swimming pool.

My fingers touched the delicate skin between her legs, she took in a breath and her eyes fluttered but remained open. I could see the crinkle in her brow, the sweat appear on her upper lip and the flaring of her nose as I pushed my hand against her. She was aroused and my fingers slipped easily into her, but I barely noticed. All I could see was the deep ocean of blue, looking through my own, exposing my soul to her. She tugged at my secrets, soothed the heat and left me a clear slate to allow fresh wounds to heal. I forgot the pain caused by a new girl taking away everything I had worked so hard to achieve. I let Tori's name move through my mind before disappearing into some unknown void, hidden away from the prying eyes.

She blinked for a second, breaking my concentration and allowing me to cease focusing on her eyes and simply watch the range of emotions flutter across her face. As my fingers pumped into her, I saw the slight shudder in her breath when I touched her. I pushed the heel of my palm against her, before slowly pulling back, dragging out the release she needed, torturing her for as long as I could. Her eyes closed and her head fell back as she bucked in an attempt to gain more friction. I placed my free hand on her hips, preventing her from moving. Her face twisted in agony, but I could still see the desire written clear as she opened her eyes once again.

"Please…" She drew the word out, pleading me to finish. I smirked at her need and moved faster, finally obliging with her begging. Her face softened and with each thrust her ragged breathing became louder. I traced the lines of her face, concentrating on each freckle, each dimple, the way the ends of her lashes touched her skin, how her tongue darted between her lips, how her hair drifted across her face.

I was calm. I was serene. I didn't feel the pain caused by my parents. The hurt over losing my place in the school was gone. The empty feeling inside my chest no longer ached as much and I was free to be at peace.

A sharp intake of breath and her muscles contracted around my fingers. I helped her ride out the orgasm quietly before pulling away and cleaning my hand on the ends of her skirt. Once I was done with her, I picked up my shoes and without a second glance back, turned and walked out of the library, content with the knowledge that I would finally be able to sleep tonight.

* * *

**AN:** There's a small amount of smut here, I know, so if anyone isn't happy about it, tough cookies. Actually, if you're not happy about it (site mods specifically) send me a pm and I'll use the edited version. I know it's nowhere near as bad as some of the others out there, but I'm very wary of the rating system and have no interest in being banned.

Since it seems to be taking me ages with this, I decided to move things up and begin to get to the darker part of the story earlier. This just means certain events will start to happen a bit faster than I had intended, and we may have some time jumping along the way. Having to redo their entire relationship is hard, but since their backgrounds are different, there wasn't much choice. And don't worry, it won't be too dark and there won't be too much violence- when there is any I will always give a warning, but I am considering changing the genre to Angst. Thoughts?

Since the previous chapter, I've made a few changes; minor grammar edits, nothing that would require re-reading. I have also added names to each chapter, since I was having problems with using a prologue as chapter one, followed by the next chapter, which is chapter one, but actually chapter two. Make sense?

What do you think of the 'previously on…'? Yay or nay?

Does anyone even read these authors notes? I won't give away spoilers, promise. Also, if you ever wonder how I'm doing on writing chapters, I post updates on my profile and sometimes on twitter.

All the reviews I'm getting are amazing! I'm so glad you all like it! Keep posting your thoughts and ideas. Who knows, you might influence the story. I'm dying to reply to each and every one, but I know I'll spend hours going on about things I'm sure no one cares about, and possibly letting info slip. So, just know I'm not ignoring you specifically, I'm simply biting my tongue and letting you make your own minds up. Just know: I love your reviews! Some of them are so awesome I just… well, yeah.


	5. Little Words

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references.

* * *

_**Previously on A Heart to Call My Own…**_

"_You know Miss Vega, I saw your school audition. I must say, I was quite impressed. In fact, I think you might be a good candidate for the role of Eliza."_

"_Uh, wow… do I have to?" _

"_See? She doesn't even want the role!"_

"_That's enough, Jade."_

…

"_I agree with Cat. I don't see why you can't just give her a chance and get to know her. You might find you actually like her."_

"_Because," I told them. "I don't like her, I don't want to get to know her and I don't appreciate her taking over my life!"_

…

"_Amy."_

_Once I was done with her, I picked up my shoes and without a second glance back, turned and walked out of the library, content with the knowledge that I would finally be able to sleep tonight._

* * *

**Little Words**

**Tori POV**

It started on my second week at the boarding school. At first I thought it was just a bunch of kids trying to mess with me. It was probably known by most of the students that Jade wasn't happy with me being here; she'd started yelling at everyone around her and spoke only to those in her small circle of friends, so I'd assumed it was only a matter of time before someone decided to do something about it. The first one appeared in my bag after lunch. I had started avoiding Jade and spent most of my time either alone or with someone from the group. André and Cat had been particularly nice to me and I welcomed their help while trying to stay out of Jade's way. Truth be told, I was becoming a little afraid of her. She was constantly yelling or throwing things; while I wanted to fix things or apologise, I knew it wouldn't do any good. Mostly I just wondered why I'd become so obsessed with befriending her.

When I dumped the contents of my school bag onto my desk (a new addition to the room, at the Matrons insistence) I noticed a small white note flutter to the ground. Assuming it was simply scrap, I picked it up and was about to toss it in the bin, but stopped when I saw something written on it: _No one wants you here._ It was small and silly, probably a stupid joke at my expense. I shook my head at how pathetic people were and stuffed it into my pocket before starting my homework.

The next day I received another one. I was looking at my school map as I walked in the general direction of the main office. By now I was becoming more familiar with the layout of the school. I was still amazed at how large everything was, but I spent a decent amount of time wandering around, acquainting myself with the place. Having a map and a few people available if I ever got lost, I found was extremely helpful.

When I entered the correct building, I congratulated myself at having successfully found the destination and started to put the map away, when I noticed a plain white note taped to the back of it. I was both confused and impressed: impressed that they had managed to attach it to something I used regularly, and confused as to _how_ they managed it.

Unfolding the new note, I read it and frowned: _Leave now before it's too late._

_Okay... This is getting weird. _I put the note into my pocket and decided not to worry about it at the moment. Really, there was nothing I could do since I didn't know who was sending them, but the words haunted me.

As the week went on it only got worse. I found more notes in my bag each day and they all seemed to be urging me to leave the school, as if warning me. It was only when I found one in my newly appointed locker that I realized they weren't trying to help me, they were threatening me: _I warned you to leave, now you'll pay the price!_

When I returned to my room that afternoon, I put all the notes together and tried to figure out what it meant. _Pay the price? _Did they mean money? What could they possibly do? Who _was_ this person?

I reasoned that I had to know them, or at least have a class with them, otherwise how could they get the notes into my bag?

I looked over to the large empty bed and had a thought. _It could be Jade?_ I shook my head. No, I rarely even saw her any more, plus, she would never be _this_ mean. Would she?

When the weekend arrived I was glad to be able to have a break from the notes and woke up feeling refreshed for a change. Glancing at the sleeping form of my roommate, I felt relieved to be able to give her some space and headed toward the bathroom, but stopped when I saw an envelope sitting in front of our door. I gulped, nervous at what I might find and picked it up. Slowly, I turned it over and saw that it was addressed to me, but let out a sigh. There was no way it was the same as the notes I had been receiving all week. They'd never been in an envelope before, and it had my full address on it. Thinking it was probably from my parents, I opened it and looked inside, frowning when I saw what it contained. It was _not_ a letter from my parents. I walked back to my bed and emptied the contents of the envelope onto the pink sheets. I looked at the small, white notes scattered on my bed with wonder. Why?

I picked them up one by one and read as many as I could handle. They were all the same: insults, nasty remarks, things I never wanted to hear again.

_Why are you here? _

_We all laugh behind your back!_

_Horrible singer!_

_No friends!_

_Leave!_

_Get out!_

_Ugly!_

_Pathetic!_

_Worthless!_

_No one wants you here!_

_Should I show them to my friends? Or an adult?_ I stuffed the notes under my pillow as quickly as I could, trying to be quiet so as not to wake Jade and ran from the room. I didn't know where I was going, but I knew I needed to get away from them.

I felt the tears run down my cheeks before I realized I was crying and sat in front of the lake. I pulled my feet under me and buried my face into my knees, not really wanting to be seen. It was bad enough that I was being called names, I didn't need to add 'cry-baby' to the list.

_Why are they doing this? I never did anything to anyone… except Jade. Maybe it is Jade? Maybe she hates me that much, she decided to try to get rid of me? Should I confront her? Should I tell someone? But… what if it's not her? What if it's someone else? What if what the notes say is what they really think of me?_

I sat up and looked around me. My last thought was particularly sobering. If they _were_ true, I certainly couldn't tell anyone. They would just confirm what the notes said and probably kick me out. I didn't want that. I would just have to ignore them and hope they stopped. If I tried my hardest in every class and got really good grades, then they might change their minds about me. If it _was_ Jade, maybe she would accept me as a friend. I hoped it wasn't Jade. Maybe I could find out for sure…

* * *

The notes didn't stop. I began collecting them, storing them in a folder for when I could change what they said, like a to do list. Be nicer, friendlier, stronger, kinder, better. If I could use the notes to make me a better person, they _had_ to like me.

At lunch the following Friday I sat, thinking about the most recent note: _Your voice sounds like someone strangling a seal._ I had to hand it to them, they were becoming more creative with their criticism.

"What about you, Tori?" André asked from beside me. I hadn't been paying attention to what they were saying.

"Huh? What?"

"What songs are you performing for the audition?" Robbie clarified. _The audition?_

"Uh…" It took me a moment to remember that in the class before lunch, our teacher had announced that auditions would be held in two weeks' time.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I dunno." I told them, looking down at my food and moving it around with my fork. "Hadn't really thought about it." I looked up at them and decided to make a confession. "Also, I kinda don't know how to read sheet music."

"Seriously?" André asked me with a worried look. I simply shrugged and looked back at my food. "We could help if you want." He offered. "Pick the songs and learn by ear instead."

"Really?" I asked him, surprised at this.

"Sure, you're our friend now, Tori." Robbie told me and I had a thought.

"What about Jade?"

"Jade knows how to read music silly." Cat told me.

"No, I mean- I'm auditioning for her part."

"Don't worry about it." Beck chimed in. "She needs the challenge. And Jade's run this school for too long. It's about time someone came along to put her in her place." He smiled at me, but I simply frowned.

I _did_ worry. I didn't want to upset her any further, especially if she was the one sending the notes. I just wanted to be friends. Taking her role in the end of school musical… who knows what kind of mess that would cause.

_Why am I even worrying so much? Just because I audition for the part, doesn't mean I'll actually get it. I need to stop being so arrogant. If I'm not careful, I'll turn into Trina!  
_

* * *

Over the next few days, André, Robbie, Cat and Beck helped me choose the two songs I needed to learn. Unfortunately for me, they had to be from the musical we would be performing. I wondered if the teachers were just being lazy.

"Most people sing '_Wouldn't It Be Loverly'_ and_ 'I Could Have Danced All Night'_ when they're auditioning for Eliza," Robbie told me. "I think you should do _'I Could Have Danced All Night'_, it's popular, but you still need to show you can actually sing."

"Uh…" I stopped him and raised my hand slightly. "I don't know the songs you're talking about."

"Wait, you've seen the play, right?" André asked.

"Well…" I bit my lip. "Not, entirely."

"And that means…?"

"No?" I offered. André put his head in his hands, Robbie sighed, Beck groaned and Cat sat in the chair beside me, seemingly more interested in making herself dizzy. "My parents don't really go to the theatre."

"Well, what about the movie?"

"It's a musical." I told them with slight disgust.

"And?!"

"I don't like musical movies. They're kinda… stupid. People breaking into song for no reason…" I shook my head.

"Tori," Cat told me. "This is a performing arts school. If you tell that to the teachers, they'll probably cry."

"Okay, we can make this work for us. She doesn't know any of the music, so she won't sound like anything they've heard before." André said after running his hands through his hair. "But girl, you've gotta start watching those musicals." I shrugged sheepishly but agreed.

"So what songs should she do?" Robbie asked.

"Let's stick with '_I Could Have Danced All Night'_ but the other one…" André began to pace. "She needs to display her range of vocal talent, so using the basics would be a good option, however…" He muttered as if forgetting we were all in the classroom listening to him.

"_The rain in Spain stays mainly in the plain." _Cat began to recite as she spun her chair.

"What?" I looked at her in confusion.

"_The rain,"_ She turned the chair, pausing to repeat the phrase to me. "_In Spain… stays mainly… in the plain!_" Cat began laughing hysterically and I looked to the boys for some clarification.

"No…" André said thoughtfully. "She'd need someone to play the other part for that." Cat seemed to ignore him and continued her weird chant while, I assumed, making herself more dizzy.

"She could do '_Just You Wait'_?" Beck suggested with a shrug. "Little more interesting."

"But, she'd still need someone else for the king." Robbie told him.

_What?_ I had no idea what they were talking about, but this play was beginning to sound really weird.

"Well, just remove those parts. I doubt they'll care." André nodded to Beck appreciatively.

"Yeah, it's a good idea. So it's settled then." He turned to me. "You'll sing '_Just You Wait'_, then '_I Could Have Danced All Night'_." André told me.

"Uh, sure?" I looked at them and wondered how I was going to learn two whole songs in just under two weeks, as well as keep up with my other classes.

* * *

It turned out not to be as hard as I thought. '_I Could Have Danced All Night'_ was actually the same verse repeated a few times and I was able to have it fairly well memorized in a few days. Of course, I hadn't stopped getting those nasty notes, but I mostly tried to ignore it. I still hadn't told anyone, but I was pretty certain Jade was the one sending them. I wasn't angry, nor did I blame her really. She was used to having things a certain way and me being here had messed all that up. Even the teachers seemed angry at her lately. Really, I just felt sorry for her. She must have some really big problems to resort to something like this.

It was lunch time a week before the auditions when things came to a head.

"You're helping her?!" I flinched as Jades voice echoed around the room. Robbie had congratulated me on being such a fast study and suggested I practice in the auditorium, when Jade had walked up to the table.

"I can't believe this." She threw her hands up in the air dramatically and I looked down at my own hands, wishing I could be anywhere else.

"Jade-" Beck tried.

"Don't! You're supposed to be _my _friends!"

"Why can't we be both?" He asked her.

"You _know_ why."

"It's not really very fair though." Robbie, of all people, told her timidly. I looked up in shock only to see my expression mirrored on Jade's face.

"What did you say?" She asked him threateningly. Robbie shrunk in his seat and mumbled something incoherently.

"Jade, we _are_ your friends," André tried to calm her down. "But you've played Eliza before. Everyone knows how good you are."

"Yeah," Beck caught on to his idea and joined in. "After last time, why try to outdo what was already a perfect performance?" Jade looked between the boys with a shocked expression as if not sure whether to believe their complements or not.

"Besides," Cat's perky voice added. "If she sucks, no one will give her the role." She said enthusiastically. Jade seemed to ponder this for a moment, then shrugged her shoulders and sat down.

"Makes sense." I was surprised how fast her anger seemed to dissolve.

"So you'll help then?" André asked.

"Wait what?" I sat up in confusion.

"Well, if you're gonna audition for the Eliza, the best person to teach you would be Jade." André clarified. I looked over at my roommate in horror, only to find her grinning at me maliciously.

"Of course I'll help." She purred. I couldn't figure out if she had actually decided to be nice or was simply messing with me. It certainly made me reconsider my assumptions that she was sending the notes.

"You're doing it wrong!" Jade yelled at me for the millionth time that night.

"I told you: I don't _know _how to read it!" I huffed back.

"Well, now's the best time to learn then." She turned her back on me and walked over to the desk opposite where I was standing. "Now, try it again."

Despite her brutishness, Jade had been fairly nice to me since lunch that day. Well, nice for Jade. She hadn't insulted me all that much, and it was nothing like the notes I had been getting. More like… harsh truths than actual insults. I'd decided there was no way she was the one sending them.

I sighed at her tough learning technique. Even though I knew she was helping me, I was starting to wish she wouldn't. I'd learnt most of the lyrics in the few days following, but the most help I needed with was the actual tune. The song was a little like a monologue, so the music had to be pretty precise in order to sound right. Apparently, it was the slight difference I had trouble with.

"Jade, I'm tired, we've been at this for hours, can I _please_ just continue tomorrow?" I begged.

"Hey if you wanna quit before you're ready, I'm not gonna stop you. Be my guest." She opened her arms out wide before inspecting her nails. I wasn't sure if she was using reverse psychology or really wanted me to quit.

I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed. All this was doing my head in.

"Where was I?" I asked in a defeated tone. Jade smirked and told me to start at the beginning again.

After practicing for another hour, Jade finally decided to call it a night and I gratefully collapsed into my bed the moment we returned to the room.

"Be up at seven to start practice." I heard her tell me as she turned out the light. I groaned a response and sat up.

"Seriously?"

"You do realize there's only one day left? The day after tomorrow is the audition."

"I know, I know. This is just so… hard. And I'm tired." I whined before letting out a yawn.

"Get used to it." She told me, before I heard the sound of sheets moving and I assumed she was going to sleep.

"Hey," I said quietly. "Thank you for helping me. I know you didn't have to or want to so… just, thanks." I wasn't sure if she heard me and the room was quiet for a moment before I lightly heard a reply.

"You're welcome."

* * *

**AN: **Now we're getting to the darker parts. I so love that some of you are figuring out the little hints I give. Soon it will make sense.

I know this is all Tori at the moment but fear not, we'll see Jade again soon. There is reason behind the madness.

I seem to be on a roll at the moment, so I might as well keep going. Glad you're enjoying these!


	6. Breaking Point

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references. This will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

_**Previously on A Heart to Call My Own…**_

* * *

_I found more notes in my bag each day and they all seemed to be urging me to leave the school, as if warning me. It was only when I found one in my newly appointed locker that I realized they weren't trying to help me, they were threatening me: I warned you to leave, now you'll pay the price!_

…

"_Well, if you're gonna audition for the Eliza, the best person to teach you would be Jade." _

"_Of course I'll help."_

…

"_Hey," I said quietly. "Thank you for helping me. I know you didn't have to or want to so… just, thanks." I wasn't sure if she heard me and the room was quiet for a moment before I lightly heard a reply._

"_You're welcome."_

* * *

**Breaking Point**

**Tori POV**

Two weeks practice, one week of auditions and a whole month of patiently waiting while they made their decisions, all came down to a mob of students surrounding a large flat screen television in the cafeteria. It would actually be displayed on all the screens around the school, but the cafeteria was the most popular place to wait since it had the largest screen and was situated close enough to the ceiling that no one would get in the way while trying to see.

"This is so intense." I voiced to the others upon looking around the room. Instead of joining the mass of people under the screen, we sat at our usual table, turned to see the results.

"It's the seniors." André informed me. "Since it's their last year, it's the last chance they have to make an impression."

"This is so boring." Jade droned. "Why can't they just get it over with already."

"How do you think you did?" Cat quietly asked beside me. I shrugged.

"Not sure. I'll probably be lucky if I'm cast as one of the background dancers or something." I told her and glanced at Jade. She seemed to be listening to the conversation and I could see a small smirk on her lips. Since she'd helped me with the audition she seemed to have softened slightly. She no longer automatically rejected me from the group outright, but then she never went out of her way to be nice to me either. It was strained. I got the feeling we were on hold.

_Probably waiting to find out the result of the auditions._ I thought to myself. If that was true, then today would be even more important than it already was. _If she gets the role __I can breathe easy. If not… _I didn't even want to think about what would happen if Jade didn't get the lead. It was something that just could not happen. Of course, the author of the notes had taken the tug of war between Jade and I as just another thing to add to their list of 'things they hate about me'. I had yet to discover who they were, but I was only getting one or two notes per day, and I was grateful for it. It did worry me that whoever it was, seemed to be able to hit on the very thing that had been bothering me at that moment.

"Get on with it already!" Jade cried out angrily.

A blue light flashed on the television, as if in reply to Jades annoyance, before classical music started playing and the words _Hollywood Arts Performing Academy_ appeared. We all held our breaths, knowing this was it.

"They heard you!" Cat said with a giggle. I quietly laughed at her childish nature.

More information about the school and the project itself appeared on the screen before it decided to tell us what musicals the classes would be doing and the names of the students who had received the roles. The seniors were first, and loud cheering went on at the front of the crowd. I watched intrigued as a few students ran from the room in tears. Of course, not everyone could be happy.

After a painfully long wait, we finally had our chance to celebrate and watched the screen with bated breath. Then the cast list was up under the title of _My Fair Lady._ The main role of Eliza Doolittle would be played by… me. _Shit._ I took a breath and swallowed in complete terror as I looked at Jade. She seemed to be in shock. It wouldn't last long.

"No!" She screamed and burst out of her seat. In a quick movement she picked up a nearby chair and hurled it across the room. It clattered loudly on a table and fell to the floor. No one said a word as she stormed to the front of the cafeteria , cursing the teachers names as she left. When the door slammed closed behind her, we all let out a simultaneous breath.

_Oh why didn't I just throw the audition? I could have prevented this! I should have made a bigger fuss at not wanting the role! I could have auditioned for someone else! Then this wouldn't be happening! We would be congratulating Jade on her victory, not mourning the loss! This is all my fault!_

"I should…" Beck stood, indicating to the door. We nodded and he stood, following after Jade.

"Congrats on getting the lead, Tori." Robbie said to me in a shaky voice. I looked at him, completely stunned.

"Really?" I asked him, starting to panic. "This could not have gone worse." I moaned, defeated, and let my head fall to the table. _Oh why why why?! _ "Incidentally," I said to them, having not gotten past my own name next to Eliza's, knowing it was sealing me to my doomed fate. "What parts did you guys get?"

"I'm on hair and make-up!" Cat told me proudly and I raised my head to smile at her.

"Beck has the other lead and we're all backstage…" Robbie told me sadly.

"I'm sorry?" I said, having thought it was what they'd wanted.

"Jade's the understudy." André told me sombrely.

"I don't know what-" I shook my head.

"If, for some reason, you can't play your part, Jade takes over." Robbie told me. I brightened slightly.

"Well, that's a good thing." I looked around at their faces. "Isn't it?"

"Not really." Robbie said. "Since everyone takes part and the leads are important, it's kinda unknown for anyone to drop out of the roles, even if their sick. So, usually it means the understudy is never seen." I felt my stomach drop.

"So… basically, it's a big 'screw you' to the student stuck with it?" I asked, beginning to feel panic once again settle in.

"Pretty much." André said. I moaned sadly and stood up to begin pacing. André stood and tried to calm me down.

"It's not really that bad, there are plenty of reasons you might not be able to perform."

"Why would they do that?" I asked, not stopping as Cat and Robbie stood as well.

"Well…" Robbie began and swapped glances with André. I stopped moving.

"What? Tell me!"

"Calm down." André said. "Look, most of the time they have the understudy as someone who could perform the role if something did happen to the lead, but… they're usually kinda…"

"No one likes them." Rex finished for him. "They're a pain in the ass so the olds shove them into understudy so no one has to deal with the diva's. Since they don't get seen on stage, no one hires them. Everyone wins." He finished brightly. I glared at the puppet.

"Everyone wins?" I asked him, horrified. "What about _Jade_?! This should be _her_ role! I _did_ this, this is my fault!" I gripped the sides of my head, freaking out, wondering what I could do to fix it. André grabbed my shoulders and looked me in the eye.

"Tori, calm down. This is not your fault. You couldn't have predicted what they would do, nobody could."

"I have to fix this!" I cried, shaking my head at him.

"Tori, please, chill out! There isn't anything you can do. It's best to just leave it alone." He told me.

"But Jade-" I indicated to the door, trying to hold back the sobs.

"Jade will be fine." He said in a calming voice. "You can't put your life on hold because Jades being…"

"A gank?" Rex offered. We ignored him.

"Stubborn." He finished. I nodded dejectedly.

He didn't know about the notes though, no one did. This would only make it worse, I just knew it. And Jade… I wish I could help, but André was right, there was nothing I could do to fix it. I was already aware that dropping out was no option, having already tried that before the auditions.

"I have to do something." I told him. "It's Jade she'll- she'll hate me even more now." I tried hard to hold back the tears.

André put his arm around my shoulder and directed me to walk out of the room.

"She doesn't hate you." I scoffed at his naïvety.

"Oh I think you underestimate her." I said with a laugh. "She hates me. And after this…" I sighed sadly. "I just wanted to be friends." I told him sadly.

"She'll get over it, Tor. Stop beating yourself up." He tried to comfort me, but it suddenly gave me an idea.

"That's it! That's what I can do!" I stopped and turned to look at them. "I'll… I'll break my leg or arm or something! Then I _can't_ play the part!" I said excitedly, as I walked backwards.

"Tori-"

"Oh thank you André, you're a genius!" I said to their worried faces with excitement and relief, glad that it could all be fixed. Jade would play the role she was meant to, we would be friends and the note writer would lose interest in tormenting me. _Everything will work out!_

"Tori I don't think-" Robbie began, but froze in place when we walked through the doors leading to our lockers. "Oh god." He muttered and André stopped next to him, stunned expression on his face. They were looking at something behind me and I took a breath, terrified of what I might find. I watched as Cat put her hands to her mouth and slowly I began to turn, needing to know what had horrified them.

"Tori don't!" André put his hand out to stop me looking but it was too late, I'd already seen it. My locker, those next to me, all of them in the room, they were covered with graffiti. Slander, insults, curses and _my_ name. All over the room was written everything the notes had ever said to me. _Slut! Hag! Cow! Bitch! No one likes you! Vega Sucks! Get Out! Loser! Freak! Tori the Whore!_ My locker was the worst.

I slowly made my way over to the half-wedged open door, ignoring the protests of the people behind me to leave it and opened my locker, seconds later realizing the mistake I had made. A cloud of dust blinded me so I didn't see what had attacked me from inside the locker, but I felt something wet and sticky hit my face. I turned away, wiping the gross gunk from my eyes and looked down to see I was almost completely covered in honey and what appeared to be flour. I looked around the room at the words written on the walls, the lockers, shaking my head, knowing it was all true. I could hear the laughter, feel them watching me. It was over. No going back. They hated me. I felt humiliated. I wanted to burst into tears. Instead, I ran.

* * *

**AN: **Not too heavy for you I hope. If so, the rest of the fic is really not gonna help.

I know these are a little shorter than usual, but I needed to have Tori as central for this.. you'll understand soon.

On a personal note, I currently have an ear infection (gross yes I know) but it's making my head all foggy and things feel weird. So if the chapters feel strange or different than the others, this may be why. Apologies if they aren't to your liking, but… too bad. XD That's the way they're written and that's how they'll stay.

Just a note to check the **Warning** at the beginning of each chapter. It changes depending on the content of each and if you are really worried about it just send me a message. I don't think I'll ever get too bad (I've read some particularly graphic fics) but it's there as a warning that it's different from the rest for a reason. If anyone is really worried about violence, rest assured, this story is more about emotions and such, less about the violence. When the small amount of violence happens you'll know, but it won't be too bad.

Thank you to Braxenimos for listening to me ramble and being beta. I know there doesn't seem to be much to do as a beta at the moment, but having someone to reassure me and bounce things off of helps a lot.

Reviews... liquid gold.

Thanks!


	7. Shattered

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references. This will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

**!**This chapter will contain adult material that some readers may find disturbing.**!**

* * *

_**Previously on A Heart to Call My Own…**_

_After a painfully long wait, we finally had our chance to celebrate and watched the screen with bated breath. Then the cast list was up under the title of My Fair Lady. The main role of Eliza Doolittle would be played by… me. Shit. I took a breath and swallowed in complete terror as I looked at Jade. She seemed to be in shock. It wouldn't last long._

"_No!" She screamed and burst out of her seat. In a quick movement she picked up a nearby chair and hurled it across the room. It clattered loudly on a table and fell to the floor. No one said a word as she stormed to the front of the cafeteria , cursing the teachers names as she left._

…

_All over the room was written everything the notes had ever said to me. Slut! Hag! Cow! Bitch! No one likes you! Vega Sucks! Get Out! Loser! Freak! Tori the Whore! My locker was the worst._

_A cloud of dust blinded me so I didn't see what had attacked me from inside the locker, but I felt something wet and sticky hit my face. I turned away, wiping the gross gunk from my eyes and looked down to see I was almost completely covered in honey and what appeared to be flour. I looked around the room at the words written on the walls, the lockers, shaking my head, knowing it was all true. I could hear the laughter, feel them watching me. It was over. No going back. They hated me. I felt humiliated. I wanted to burst into tears. Instead, I ran._

* * *

**Shattered**

**Jade POV**

I watched Vega flee from the scene, covered in the sticky mess that had been stored in her locker and stopped laughing as I walked over to join my friends. I didn't care about her embarrassment and I didn't care that it hadn't felt as thrilling as I'd expected, I was just glad that it was finally over. There was no way she'd return after that. She would run back to whatever small town she was from and I would never have to see her again.

A heavy ache settled in my stomach and I wondered if my mood was affected by a certain time of the month, but it was unfamiliar and incredibly unpleasant. I brushed it off as I faced said girls locker, not bothering to hide my glee.

"Jade…" Beck looked at me with utter disbelief. "How could you?" He asked softly.

"Oh come on, it was just a little prank." I ignored his expression and crossed my arms. "She should learn to take a joke."

"A joke?" André looked at me in horror. "I never thought you would… what is _wrong_ with you?" He asked me, a look of genuine worry on his face that caused my chest to restrict. I shifted uncomfortably and scoffed at him.

"You're blowing this way out of proportion."

"Jadey…" I heard Cat's innocent voice and looked at her tear-filled eyes. _Okay, so of course Cat would be upset, she's Cat. But the boys? _She didn't say anything else, just shook her head at me and left the hall, following after Vega.

"I get that you were upset-"

"Damn right I'm upset!" I interrupted Beck. "She _stole_ my role! This," I indicated to the mess in front of me. "Was her _own_ doing, she brought it on herself."

"_Brought it on herself_? If you didn't want her to get the role, why help her?" André asked me furiously. I took no notice and looked over the paint work on my nails. _Huh, a chip. I should really fix that._

"No…" André shook his head and took a step back from me. "You- how you could be so _cruel_." I looked up to see him staring at me with disgust. "You had this planned all along didn't you?" He mumbled in realization.

"You didn't…" Beck looked at me with the same revulsion I saw in my other friends face and I shifted again, uneasy from their heavy glares. I felt like I was a child being reprimanded.

"Whatever. I don't care what you think." I spat at him, wanting to get rid of the sick feeling in my stomach. "Besides, I _told_ you what I thought of her. I _told _you how much I hated her and you just ignored me. This," I pointed at the word _Slut!_ written in front of us. "Is as much your fault as mine!"

"I can't-" André shook his head at me and went off in the direction Cat had gone. "I can't even _look _at you right now."

"Yeah, that's right!" I called after him. "Run away like a little girl." I knew I shouldn't have provoked him like that, as a second later, he returned to face me. I was more shocked than anything else when he slapped me across the face.

I touched my cheek and watched him march through the doors without another word. The blow hadn't hurt much, but I was stung. I couldn't believe I'd upset one of my best friends enough to do that; I felt miserable.

"You deserved that." Beck quietly said beside me. I glared at him.

"What? You gonna hit me too?" I threw my arms up in defeat. "Go ahead. See if I care."

"That's the point though, isn't it Jade. You don't care. You never have." His serious tone troubled me and I wished he 'd just hit me instead. "I don't think you want to." He shook his head and a shiver ran down my spine. He nodded to the slurs beside us. "This just proves that all _you_ care about is yourself."

"Oh please." I scoffed at him, refusing to let to him try to break me.

"You're nothing but a bully." He told me simply. "You hurt someone who wanted nothing more than to be your friend. Though I don't know why she would," He shrugged. "You don't deserve any." I rolled my eyes.

"Look, she'll get over it. It was just a little honey." I said, not even I believed what I was saying.

"She _will_ get over it." He agreed with a nod. "Do you know why? She'll have her friends supporting her and at the end of the day, the only person without anyone to care about them, Jade," He took a step towards me. "Is _you_." My face dropped.

"What? You would choose _her_, a girl you've known a few of months, over me?! I've known you my whole _life_!" I bellowed, losing my temper once again. He laughed.

"When you act like this," Once again, he indicated to the mess. "There _is_ no choice."

"Your just like the rest of them! I should never have trusted you." I muttered, turning to leave.

I felt a pair of hands grab my shoulders and before I could protest I was face to face with the word _whore, _then suddenly spun back round to face him, stunned into silence.

"_You_ did this!" He yelled. "Not Cat or Robbie or André or me! Certainly not _Tori! _Just y_ou._" He pulled away and pointed to the word _slut._

"How does it feel, knowing you've _humiliated_ her, huh? Openly _laughed_ at her? Made her feel like _nothing_." He pushed me towards another word but I turned my head, not wanting to be subjected to this. "How does it feel?" He shoved me into the locker and my shoulder banged against the metal door, causing the sound to echo through the room, surrounding me. I'd never seen Beck act like this before and it was terrifying. "_Well_?!" I opened my eyes and saw the word _worthless_ in front of me. I swallowed and looked around. Degrading words covered the lockers and walls, slightly slurred as the bright red paint dripped toward the floor. It looked like blood.

I turned back at him and shook my head, looking at the ground, refusing to meet his glare. I didn't want to deal with this. Why should I have to? I took a breath and hardened my face before meeting his gaze.

"I don't care. She'll leave and I can have my life back." I told him simply. His maniacal laugh stunned me.

"No Jade, she won't. Tori is _not_ leaving. We won't let her. Besides," He shook his head at me. "She didn't take _anything_ from you. You threw it away the moment you decided to hate her." Beck turned and walked away from me, shaking his head.

"You know," He paused but didn't look back to face me. "You really are your mothers daughter."

I felt repulsed. I stared at the doors, aching for some remark to throw back at him, hurt him just as much, but I couldn't think; my chest burned with fury. I didn't know what to do, I was too shaken. He was supposed to be my _friend_! A friend wouldn't say those things! He knew what it _meant_, how it would make me feel!

Glancing around me, I realized what he'd done and huffed, wishing it hadn't worked, angry at myself for being so weak as to actually care; but he had hit home, pierced that open wound and I _did_ care. _Vega didn't deserve this. I'd let my anger get the better of me. I'd gone too far…_ I shook my head, knowing the humiliation would be agonizing; not just the prank in the locker, but the hurtful words. I sighed and pushed myself through the door after my ex-friends, only to find the four of them hanging around, waiting.

"I…" I didn't really know what to say. Despite Beck's claims, they were still my friends. Beck shrugged but André refused to meet my eyes.

"You guys clean up, I'll…" I nodded toward the dorms. Beck nodded and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Just fix it." He told me sternly and I nodded, aware that if I didn't, there would be serious consequences.

* * *

I paced outside the door, trying to figure out what to say. I'd never had to apologize to anyone before, not like this. I needed her to forgive me, but how could I ask for it? I barely even understood what had driven me so much as to become obsessed with forcing her to leave, how could I defend myself?

_Screw it. _I decided. _I'll just have to wing it._ I opened the door and held my breath, not wanting to hear the sounds of sobbing. I expected to see her sitting on her bed, crying her eyes out or shoving clothes into bags, ready to run. Instead I saw… nothing. The room was neat, no signs of life or movement. No bags ready to run, no crying.

Confused, I stepped inside and walked over to her bed. It was made, clean and tidy, not a thing out of place. _Maybe she didn't come back here._ I wondered where she could have gone instead. As I headed back to the door, a noise made me pause and I realized I heard the sound of water running. I smacked myself on the forehead and walked to the bathroom, wondering if I should give her a few minutes.

"Vega?" I knocked on the door. "Can we talk?" I pressed my ear against it but all I could hear was the shower and knocked again. "V- Tori?" I forced myself to say louder. When I heard no answer again, I turned the door handle and was surprised to find it locked.

_I wasn't aware we had a lock?_ I wondered in confusion and bit my lip, starting to feel the ache in my stomach bubble. _Something's wrong…_ s_hould I call someone?_ I started pacing again, trying to decide what to do and stopped to begin banging my fist against the door in an attempt to get her attention.

"Tori Vega open this door!" I yelled, repulsed when I heard my voice crack. I waited another moment and listened for any sign of movement. Nothing. _Dammit!_

I turned and walked away from the door, readied myself, then slammed my foot against it. A sharp pain shot through my leg but the door didn't budge. With a grunt of annoyance, I hit the door again and was relieved when it shot open, the chair behind crashing to the ground. I took a breath and stepped into the room. In front of me was a sight I had never thought I would witness: she was there alright, curled up under the shower, water running over her soaked form. She looked frozen, wearing only her underwear.

I took a deep breath and stepped toward her, terrified of making things worse. Her left arm was held out in front of her and gashes covered her wrists. A small blade was held between her fingers, pressing against the skin of her left hand and I could see dark blood escaping the wound. Water trickled over the slashes, staining her feet and legs; there was blood everywhere. Her eyes were open but she was staring straight ahead, unaware of my presence, unmoving. She looked like a broken doll and all I wanted to do was cry.

_I did this._ I thought in terror. _This is my fault._

* * *

**AN: **Getting darker...

Ah, the first cliff-hanger. How did I do?

You are all brilliant reviewers, especially those that go into detail and give me long descriptions… Simply beautiful. Continue to review like that and I might have to work hard to keep up the current speed. Well, try to at least. Just don't be surprised if there isn't another chapter for a week or so.

Thanks!


	8. Confession

**Disclaimer: **Victorious, the characters and everything else associated does not belong to me. I am merely borrowing them for my own amusement. Oh, yeah, I guess yours as well.

I also don't own the songs, unless specified that I actually wrote them.

**Warning: ** The following story may include mature themes such as drugs, violence, alcohol, violent references. This will heavily feature sexual references and suggestive themes.

* * *

_**Previously on A Heart to Call My Own…**_

_I took a deep breath and stepped toward her, terrified of making things worse. Her left arm was held out in front of her and gashes covered her wrists. A small blade was held between her fingers, pressing against the skin of her left hand and I could see dark blood escaping the wound. Water trickled over the slashes, staining her feet and legs; there was blood everywhere. Her eyes were open but she was staring straight ahead, unaware of my presence, unmoving. She looked like a broken doll and all I wanted to do was cry._

_I did this. I thought in terror. This is my fault…_

* * *

**Confession**

**Jade POV**

I looked down at the sleeping form in my bed and tried to swallow the painful lump that had formed in my throat. With shaky hands, I carefully finished wrapping the bandage around her wrist and turned my attention to the other arm. The wounds weren't as bad as I had first thought; the cuts were pretty deep but small and since they were across her wrists instead of down the length of her arm, most had healed before I'd even arrived. She hadn't said anything the entire time I was there. Once the shower was turned off she'd fallen asleep or passed out, I wasn't sure and while I had contemplated calling someone, I still hadn't come to a decision whether or not having an adult ask all the questions they were going to, was a good idea. I knew if it were me I'd want everyone else to just mind their own damn business, and this was the thought I'd clung to.

I looked at the wrist in my hands as I dabbed the antiseptic onto the cuts. They had stopped bleeding while I was working on her right arm which she had done the most damage to, so all I was really doing was cleaning off the blood and trying to prevent infection. It all felt so surreal to me, helping her like this. I'd never known anyone who hurt themselves on purpose, and the realization that I was the cause made me feel incredibly guilty.

_Was this my doing? Was it my fault? Did I drive her to hurt herself or is there something else going on in her life that I don't know about?_ I felt more ashamed of myself than ever: I basically knew nothing about this girl, all I'd cared about was that she had taken over my life. It never even occurred to me that what I was doing could hurt her. I simply saw it as a way to scare her off.

Looking at the slashes across her arms carefully, I sighed, seeing what I hoped I wouldn't: a healing scar. Among the new cuts were several older ones; mostly healed, some almost faded, others white and pink. I wasn't familiar enough with these things to know how long she'd had them, but the fact that they were there made me sick to my stomach. I glanced at the peaceful face of my roommate before looking back at the marks.

_Why would she do this to herself? Was I really torturing her that much? Had _I_ really hurt her? _I lightly ran a finger over one of them, I could feel the funny little ridges easily on her soft, smooth skin. The sensation was oddly appealing and I found the scars both scary and strangely attractive.

I looked back at her again: simply having her sleeping in my bed in itself was new to me. I usually kicked everyone out once I was done with them, so no one had ever slept here and yet the sight made me both curious and afraid, but I wasn't sure why…

She stirred a little and I quickly finished wrapping her wrist up, ending my own musings at the same time. I shifted back to the corner away from her and tucked my feet under me, resting my chin on my knees as I watched her open her eyes. She glanced at me and then looked at the bed with confusion.

"It was closer than yours." I informed her. She nodded and sat up. I could see she was avoiding looking at me and I figured she was feeling embarrassed or scared. I was finally figuring out that she was a hard person to read, even for me. She cleared her throat.

"What- what…" Her voice was croaky as she tried to speak. "What happened?" She looked at me as she asked and I frowned, not sure what to say. I nodded to her bandaged arms.

"You don't remember?" I asked, not really wanting to fill her in.

"No, I- I remember that," She paused and anxiously rubbed at the dressing before tucking them self-consciously under the blanket. "Last I remember I was…" She trailed off and looked away.

"I- we were worried." I started, not really sure how to tell her what I had done. "I heard the shower going and when you didn't answer, I sort of… broke the door down." I indicated to the bathroom, not really wanting to go back in there. It would have to be cleaned up eventually, but the thought of all that blood made me feel sick. "When I turned off the water you kind of passed out so I brought you in here." I filled her in as she pulled the dressing gown tighter around herself. "I didn't call anyone though, I sort of figured… I wouldn't want…"

"Thanks." She murmured to my surprise and looked down. "I… I guess you're wondering why I…" She trailed off and it occurred to me that she may not have told anyone about this before. I shrugged.

"It's not really my business…" I said, trying to avoid looking at her, but I could feel her gaze on me and I looked up to find her watching me curiously.

"You saved my life but you don't want to know why?"

"You probably wouldn't have died." I told her. "Yeah, there was a lot of blood, but you did it the wrong way if you wanted to kill yourself." I could have hit myself for saying that and by the look on Tori's face I expected she felt the same.

"Oh well thanks a lot, I guess I'll know better next time." She said sarcastically.

"No, I didn't mean- all I meant was…" I sighed. I was terrible at this. "I'm sorry, okay?"

"Forget it." She shook her head. "I don't know why I even bother with you." She made a move to get up.

"Wait so, did you do this to get my attention?" I asked her in shock.

"What?" She looked at me appalled and I realized I had gotten the wrong idea. "What the hell, Jade? Not everything is about you okay? In fact, most things are _not_ about you."

"I-"

"Just do us all a favour and get over yourself, would you?"

"I'm sorry." I said quietly and she seemed to calm down. "That was a stupid thing to say." We sat in silence for a few minutes, each looking at our hands uncomfortably before I had to know why.

"Was it… the locker?" I asked, half hoping she hadn't heard me.

"I guess…" She didn't look back at me and I wondered what was going through her head. "Why would someone do that?" Her quiet voice and the sadness of her tone broke my heart. I watched a tear slide down her cheek as she shook her head. "I- I never did anything… why would they want to hurt me like that?" Her red tear-filled eyes locked with mine and all I wanted to do was confess and beg for her forgiveness. Instead, I looked down and shook my head.

"I don't know. Jealousy, maybe." At that, she laughed and I looked back at her in confusion.

"Jealousy? Who in their right mind would be jealous of _me_? I'm _no one_." I watched curiously as she wiped her eyes, thinking about her words. _Is that what she really thinks of herself?_

"No you're not." I said firmly. "You're not no one." I looked down at my hands again, trying to decide if I should open up to her.

"Thanks, but I don't think you know enough about me to understand. I don't even know why I'm at this school. I'm just a talentless freak." I looked at her, startled by the bitter sound of my own words.

"It was me." I heard myself say, wishing I could take it back but needing her to not hate herself as much as I did.

"What was you?" She asked, frowning.

"Th-the locker." I swallowed and took a breath. "The walls, the notes…everything. I did it." I hung my head in shame. I felt sick to my stomach, yet at the same time, the heaviness in my chest had lessened.

"You?" Her small voice asked me and I nodded. "What? _Why_?" I couldn't tell if she was angry or sad or disappointed… I just had no idea what she was feeling.

"I- I don't know. I just…" I shook my head, not really knowing how to explain it, how I could defend my actions. "I wanted my room back." I told her simply with a shrug. "I wanted my life back. You've taken everything I had, the role in the musical was just too much. I've hated you since you arrived… I figured, if you thought no one liked you, you would leave." I shook my head. "I never meant to… I _never_ thought you would… I'm sorry." I could feel myself tearing up and I hated how stupid and childish it all sounded. After a few minutes of uncomfortable silence I needed to know how much trouble I was in.

"Are… are you gonna tell my father?" I asked and she shrugged.

"I haven't thought about it. I guess not."

"What? But… _why_? I said some really nasty things. I- you didn't deserve…" I didn't know how to voice what was going through my head at that moment. It was nowhere near what I had expected. "I should be punished… there- there should be _consequences! _You should hate me! They _all_ should!" I felt myself start to panic.

"Jade!" She tried to get my attention but I couldn't hear her. "Please Jade! Han, stop! It's okay." I felt a pair of hands touch my own and I didn't understand why she was being so nice. "I'm not mad." This confused me even more. "I don't hate you. It was just a mistake."

"But-" Half of me wanted her to be angry, for her to hit me or sell me out, have me expelled. The other half of me just wanted to accept that I wouldn't be punished and glad I got away with it. The guilt was just that much stronger. "But, whatever the reason was, I _hurt_ you. How can you not hate me?"

"I don't know… I guess, I know it won't happen again, so I just forgive you." _She forgives me? _I didn't know if I was glad or… I just didn't know what to feel. She was making me so twisted up.

"But…" I tried again, not knowing what to say.

"Look, neither of us want to explain what happened, and really it's no one else's business so…" I nodded, realizing that telling on me might leave her with unwanted questions. She pulled away, sitting back in her original position and I found myself missing her touch.

"So…" I began. "Where does this leave us?"

"I don't know. All I wanted was for us to be friends…" She paused. "What do _you_ want?" Her expression seemed sad.

"What?"

"What is it _you_ want, Jade?" She repeated and I frowned.

"No one's ever asked me that before." I muttered. "I don't know." _What _do _I want? We could go back to the way things were… but that wasn't really an option. We could be friends… but… I doubted it was as easy as that. I'd hated her for months, I couldn't just start being her friend. _"I don't know." I repeated, unsure where this left us, scared what might happen if I actually decided to really open up to her. How would I survive if she broke through and found out all my secrets? What would become of me?

* * *

**AN: **So, this went really different than I intended. At first I planned on making some really sappy chapter with both of them confessing how they felt, how much they each hurt, lots of crying and hugging. Typical fluffiness. But apparently they had other plans. Strange how these things go.

If you're a little disappointed well… sorry, but I seem to have zero control over what happens! Don't worry though, we will see this event again, they're both still trying to work everything out.

I do have a small spoiler for you though… _nothing is as it seems_. Have fun with that!

I loved all the reviews and reading everyone try to figure out who was behind the notes. Some interesting thoughts there.

Ah! I'm so mad at myself for leaving this so long! I actually wrote it pretty soon after the last chapter and Braxenimos edited it within a couple of days, but unfortunately health issues decided to rear its head. I wasn't completely happy with how it turned out, but after reading through the entire fic again (I watched seasons one and two this weekend and wanted to see if I needed to change any of the wording) I found it wasn't so bad. Not satisfied but for now it's enough to get rid of that horrible cliff-hanger you've been sitting of for a month.

Just as an added note, all of the previous chapters have been edited and changed slightly. Not much is different, mostly it's a couple of words here and there or grammar I wasn't happy with. There is one thing I do need to point out though: when Jade is speaking to her father he says she has two years until she graduates; this is now one year. Since I'm making the fic shorter than I first intended two years was a little bit too long. I also changed Tori giving up on Jade in chapter two to "I took a deep breath and sighed, wondering if I stood any chance of being friends with her." I just fit better with the rest of the story.

As a side note, I was listening to Radiohead's "How to Disappear Completely" on repeat while writing this. It goes so well with the kind of mood I wanted, so tell me if you agree or think having a theme song for a chapter is a good idea.

Thanks! Keep up the wonderful reviews!


End file.
